18 - My Love Affair With Margaret, Part 2: 16 September 2024

I woke up one Saturday morning in 2008 and hugged Margaret.  As I hugged her, I was overcome by the realisation that for the last 11 years I had loved her completely but I had been unable to publicly say to the world that she was the one and only person who I would ever want to be with.  The scarring left by two previous failed marriages had instilled a deep fear in me about ever making a marriage commitment again.  Yet blessedly, that Saturday morning I realized with the greatest possible clarity, that the love between us was not a passing fad but a forever love.  My fear of once again making a commitment had been melted away by the woman lying beside me in bed.

I gently tapped her on the shoulder and she groaned at me that she was not interested in sex at that hour of the day.  I replied by saying “Will you marry me in Ireland?  Please say you will.  I just love you totally and I want to make a public declaration of my love, please say yes”. 

“Of course I will marry you, you idiot.  What makes you think I might ever not want to tell the world that I love you at least as much as you love me.” 

When we finished kissing, she started asking practical questions about how to organize our wedding.

“Where are we going to find the money?  It will cost a fortune.”

I had an answer for that.  For the last 18 months we had each been banking an agreed amount every pay into a special bank account we had set up to save the money for a holiday to Canada and Alaska. 

“We use our Canada/ Alaska money to pay for our Irish wedding!” I replied.

She squeezed me tightly and said “That is settled then, we are getting married in Ireland.  Anne Ryan will want to be our bridesmaid.  I will ask her to look for somewhere really nice for us to get married in.”

So it was settled as quickly and as easily as that, and yes there was definitely some lovemaking then.

We were getting married in Ireland in the following year – 2009 – and Anne Ryan would be given the job of finding our wedding venue - and being Margaret's bridesmaid.

We were going to have two wedding ceremonies.

The first ceremony would be held strictly in accordance with the relevant Irish law.  This would be the official ceremony – the one that resulted in a legal certificate being issued by the Republic of Ireland to say that we had really and truly married each other.

The second marriage ceremony was to follow immediately after the first ceremony and as far as we were concerned, this was to be our Real Marriage Ceremony.  Our second marriage ceremony was to be a traditional Irish Handfasting Ceremony in which we would literally have a ceremonial cord tied around our wrists to indicate that two separate lovers had magically and lovingly become one completely united and inseparable Statement of Love.

When we arrived in Ireland in July 2009, it was raining and it continued raining all day every day after we arrived.

We presented ourselves to the government marriage agency.  We presented all of the mandatory legal documents to enable our joyous union to take place.

We had contacted Maeve long before we arrived in Ireland.  Maeve was to be our Celebrant for the Handfasting Ceremony.  Maeve was wise in ancient Irish lore and custom.  She was a white witch and knew how to join us with magic and love.

Our two separate marriage ceremonies both took place at Killashee House, Naas (pronounced Nace) on 30 July 2009 in mid morning.  The constant rain stopped so we did not have to get wet, but the grass outside Killashee House was so water logged that both ceremonies had to be held indoors.  We did not want our guests to sink up to their knees in the boggy grass.

I absolutely loved every moment of both ceremonies that day.  Margaret always looked beautiful, but that day she was more beautiful than I could ever remember her having been.  We publicly proclaimed our love for each other as often as the officials would let us.

I even managed a complete surprise for Margaret. 

Inside the official booklet for our Handfasting, I included a poem I had written just for our wedding day.  I had made sure Margaret never had the opportunity to open the booklet before the Handfasting began, so she had no idea that I was going to publicly read out a Declaration of My Love of my wonderful Margaret Redden.  Margaret’s eyes kept getting wider as I read out “The Colours of Love”.  She was my beautiful and most wonderful lover and now I had very publicly become the man who loved her to pieces and would do anything for her.

Amidst the cruelty and suffering that we both endured in the years to come, our love for each other never wavered.  Margaret always knew I would do anything for her.  I always knew Margaret would do anything for me.

Margaret is now dead but I know she never stopped loving me throughout all the years of her suffering.

As the cancer slowly and implacably ate away at her body, Margaret knew that I never stopped loving her with every fibre of my being throughout her long years of suffering.  She always knew that if I was ever given the chance, I would in a heartbeat have accepted all of her suffering as my own - but that was the one thing that the universe was determined to prevent.  Margaret had to undergo the suffering and I was forced to watch, unable to take it away from her.

I returned to Killashee House today and I relived the wondrous day when we two lovers became one joint statement of unbreakable love.

You were always my blessing Margaret – a blessing from a universe that before I met you, had always seemed completely dark and callous.

Thank you for bringing light into my life.