13 - Margaret’s Back Story Part 4 Section 2: 13 September 2024

Second part of the self explanatory letter I sent to Anne Ryan on 23 January 2023

 

23 January 2023

John Hankin

Anne Ryan

Re:      Your Behaviour to Margaret

 

When I attempted to get in touch with Nes, it became clear that you had got to Nes long before me and made sure I was cancelled by him too.  After all you were lovers for a while.

Discovering how many people had “cancelled” me because of you was extremely devastating.  What happened shortly after the dinner was even more devastating.  Margaret’s cancer came back.  When the surgeon went back in to have a look, he couldn’t see much because of the inflammation from the radiotherapy that had finished in the January.  I know this is completely non medical, but I am convinced that the cancer came back because of the extreme worry Margaret suffered because of my own illness.  And why was my illness so extreme?  I am convinced I can thank you for that.

So here is a word of thanks.  I am sure none of it was foreseen by you at the time as possible, but the law has a saying.  “You must take your victim as you find him/ her”.  All of our actions have consequences and your actions had extremely serious consequences.

After her operation on 1 December 2021, I compiled a list of music that I would have played at her funeral.  I wrestled with the what was a big question.  Should I permit you to attend Margaret’s funeral?  In the end, I decided I did not want to behave the way you had.  You would definitely be allowed to attend because Margaret would have wanted this.  That decision still stands.  If and when the cancer gets Margaret, you can come to her funeral.  I am not sure that I will be able to speak to you, but I will not behave like you would and stop you coming to the funeral.

Somehow, Margaret beat the death sentence yet again on 3 December 2021.  The oncologist had no explanation for this reprieve either.  So we rolled on into 2022.  By September 2022, the cancer was well and truly back.  Margaret was in extreme pain.  She had a urethral stent implanted on 5 October 2022.  That stent probably saved her life but it has been the cause of constant discomfort ever since.  She has been incontinent ever since because a infection has “colonized” the stent and no amount of antibiotic has been able to remove it.  Today’s operation is to give her  a brand new stent and hopefully get rid of the infections.  Incontinence for Margaret means she has not had more that one or two hours of continuous sleep since 5 October last year.

The urethral stent was needed because the cancer had grown to about 5 centimetres.  Her digestive system was closing down completely.  If you cannot digest food, you are unable to eat food.  If you can’t eat food you die.  It is a simple process.

Apart from the urethral stent, Margaret also needed a bile duct stent and a duodenal stent.  She went back into hospital so the surgeon could have another look on 19 October.  She had the bile duct stent on Wednesday 26 October last year.  That put her into intensive care all that night.  Her heart went into fibrillation and she nearly died.  The duodenal stent went in on 28 October 2021.  I was supposed to bring her home the next day Saturday but I couldn’t.  She was far too ill.  I got Margaret home at about 2 pm on Sunday 30 October.  She was gravely ill and I took her to A & E the next day Monday 31 October.  She was admitted to the Cardiac Ward.  By this stage, her weight was falling off her and she was clearly dying.

You had better things to do that see your dying friend though.  Yes Margaret was afraid of seeing people who had been interstate or overseas, but you didn’t even try and see her at a safe distance.  When you eventually saw her, your “present” for the dying friend was a box of Butler’s chocolates bought at Dublin airport.  Was that really the best you could do?  You ought to feel embarrassed.  I hope you do.

We turned up to see the oncologist and get the “last gasp” chemotherapy on Tuesday 8 November.  By that stage, the oncologist said Margaret had between 2 days and 2 months to live.  The 2 months was a vast exaggeration.  For the first time in months, he did not look totally grim.  He had received some tissue sample test results.  Margaret’s cancer was “highly responsive” to immunotherapy.  “By hook or by crook” he was going to find a trial so Margaret could have immunotherapy.  When I asked about getting  it outside of a trial, he said the cost was $7,730.00 and I immediately said I could find that.  He then said that was the cost per session and that 35 sessions would be needed.  I felt a hole open up in the floor beneath my feet.  How could I find $280,000?

Margaret had a fall on Friday 18 November.  I thought she had broken her back.  We decided against A & E at Ashford because they would have sent her to A & E at the RAH – a certain death sentence.  By Sunday it became clear that her back was not broken, but I was still very doubtful that she would still be alive when the first immunotherapy session was due on Tuesday 22 November.  Somehow Margaret was still alive, although her weight in clothing was 47.5 kilograms.

So the current state of play is that Margaret is back in hospital for yet another operation.  She has her 4^th immunotherapy session tomorrow Tuesday 24 January.  She has not been able to walk without a walking frame since Monday 14 November 2022.  The finest human being I have ever known – and a far finer human being that you can ever imagine – is still alive because of complete bravery and a refusal to ever give up.  She may even beat this unbeatable cancer.

And what of you Anne?  You have seen Margaret three times in three months plus a bit.  You refuse to come to her home because I happen to live there too.  Margaret cannot walk.  She cannot drive.  She cannot go anywhere where she is not able to get access at very short notice to a clean toilet.  And you refuse to see her in the only place where she is currently able to see you – and the reason?  Because I happen to live with her.  And my crime is?  I correctly told you that you had been rude when you had indeed been very rude.

And the context in which I told you that you had been rude?  My wife had five days earlier finished an intensive course of chemotherapy and radiotherapy.  And in addition, I had spent weeks sanding your wooden box for you even thought I was fairly certain that I myself was probably in a terminal state because of the deadly cough I had.  For reasons I now cannot understand, I thought I ought to finish your stupid box while I was still live.