2.30 pm Thursday 24 April 2025 – Rebirth Day 5 I will date the start of my rebirth to last Sunday, Easter Sunday 20 April 2025. If Christ could come back from the dead, so can I. In the months before her death, Margaret and I talked about the need for me to keep living after she had died. She made it clear, I was not allowed to just go through the motions of living. I had to live again, love again and yet again give a genuine meaning to my life even though she was dead. I promised I would continue living after she was gone. Moments before Margaret flat lined in hospital, I hugged her through the tubes. I told her I loved her, that it was okay for her to leave me and that I would be okay after she had died. I have tried very hard to keep the solemn promise I made to Margaret moments before she left me – but it has been very hard. What I now know is that the cancer ghosting has never stopped. Our former friends have continued to reject me. Margaret’s brother Jim, sister Maurine and nephew Jameson have refused to speak to me since 23 November 2023. This is when Margaret’s most valuable jewellery acquired over a lifetime of thrift, vanished. I believe the jewellery was stolen by her brother Jim Redden. Every attempt I have made to reach out to the people we used to know, has failed. People are still afraid of me. Terrible things have happened to me and they obviously are afraid to come anywhere near me. They fear they might catch the curse of terrible fortune that has infected me. Margaret’s sole surviving friend Cheryl joined the cancer ghosting in January 2024. At my specific demand – and only at my specific demand – she finally returned Margaret’s wedding dress and I have heard nothing from her since then. My sole direct link to someone who knew Margaret is now Dave. I offered him the spare bedroom after Margaret died and he then left the boarding house where he had been living. Dave somehow beat oesophageal cancer, then he beat lung cancer. Now he is battling a cancer in his neck which has wrapped itself around his carotid artery. Dave is remarkably brave, but his continued life is doubtful. Medically, the officially diagnosis is that he is stage 5 Palliative Care. There is no stage 6. I got the blues very badly on 29 March 2025 while I was on a meditation retreat. On Saturday 29 March, Margaret would have had her 75th birthday. I have been sustained by my son, my daughter in law, my two grandchildren and by two very kind hearted strangers called Kristian and Bronwyn. Yesterday afternoon Bronwyn encouraged me by zoom to work out my mission in life and the practical steps I need if I am to get there. She stressed the need for me to stop reliving the haunted memories from those dreadful days leading up to Margaret’s death. I know Bronwyn is correct. To keep the promise that I will be okay, I must learn to remember Margaret but put aside all of the pain. I must create new structures around my life. I must show myself and others that crippling sorrow can be survived and that every one of us is able to live again, able to live joyously, even though we have spent years wandering through the lands of sorrow. I cannot alter what has happened. I can alter how I treat those events in my own mind. I was granted 25 years filled with love. Those years have ended, but the love has never left me. I must honour the love Margaret and I shared by accepting that it is now over. If I still want to love Margaret, I must accept that the love we shared, ended when she died. With tears in my heart, I accept Margaret and I as a couple are now only a memory. I swallow every bit of the sorrow and I will oversee my own rebirth. Thank you Bronwyn for your wisdom and kindness. I will continue to swallow the multiple sh*t sandwiches and show others who are in pain that rebirth is possible. My rebirth journey is now 5 days old. | 
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