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On that very first night that I was homeless after being thrown out of home by my mother because she wanted money I did not have, I slept in a Morris Minor. It was uncomfortable and it was scary. But I got through the night. I found an unlit part of the Monash university campus in which to park the Morris Minor.
I was cold.
I was worried about how to find somewhere to live.
I was worried about how I was ever going to be able to finish my law studies if I did not have somewhere to live.
I was only 19.
I had less than $5.00 in my pocket and in those days, because credit cards had not yet been invented, everything had to be paid for in cash.
I was genuinely in a terrible situation.
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I have remembered another thing apart from the hair where I looked much better in this photo from 1974 than I looked in 1969. In 1969, I weighed about 8 ½ stone (120 pounds or 54.4 kilograms) and I was malnourished. Australians still used the old British system of weights and measures back then and I weighed well under 10 stone. By the time this photo was taken in 1974, I had gained weight and I was at least 10 stone (140 pounds, 63 ½ kilograms).
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My mother Josephine Hankin had been mentally ill for many years, but great stigma was attached to the idea of anyone being mentally ill back in 1969. She was officially diagnosed with schizophrenia in 1973. She was hospitalized, medicated and given shock treatment (electro convulsive therapy). She lived the balance of her life (until 2012) in a world where the medication dulled the pain but made it impossible for her to really feel alive.
I wish I could have helped her, but I was only a kid and I knew nothing.
****
The biggest difference between me in 1974 and me in 1999 was the presence of Margaret in my life. Margaret did not have cancer in 1999 and her health was good. She smoked cigarettes, drank champagne and loved me exactly as I was, complete with every one of my faults. This was a completely new experience for me. I loved every moment that I was able to spend with Margaret.
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Margaret and me in 1999. After not being able to find any place that could ever be called home, I met Margaret and I finally ceased being homeless. She radiated compassion and love wherever she went. .
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Go with a clear, open and receptive spirit, and the universe will not treat you badly.”
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In 1969 I was studying third year law at Monash University in Clayton, Victoria with the help of a scholarship. I had finished two years out of a five year course and had started on the third year of study.
Without any warning, I was made homeless by my own mother and thrown out into the cold, wet night.
I slept that first night in a Morris Minor on the grounds of Monash University.
After my night sleeping in the car, I went to the Monash gymnasium building. There were free showers available in the gym.
What should I do next? My head was a complete fog and my thinking was confused. It was so hard to come up with anything that looked vaguely like a plan, but I worked something out.
****
I keep stressing the importance of not trying to plan too far ahead, but I had to do some planning then.
In the 1960s, a Bachelor of Laws degree at Monash took five years of full time study. My fees for 1969 was covered by my scholarship. At the end of my third year of full time study, if I passed every one of my examinations, I would be able to graduate with a degree called a Bachelor of Jurisprudence. If I got the Bachelor of Jurisprudence, I would not have a law degree but I would have a degree. Back in 1969, having any university degree meant I could get a job that paid more than the factory labouring jobs I had worked at until then.
I set my sights on getting the Bachelor of Jurisprudence.
That became my goal for the year.
My most immediate goal was to find somewhere to sleep that was safer than the Morris Minor; then I might be able to graduate with the Jurisprudence degree. Becoming a lawyer would have to wait. Perhaps one day I could finish and become a lawyer, but right then I needed to survive the nights and try and rescue something out of the disaster mum had created by her greed.
The irony of throwing me out of home was that instead of being able to milk me every time a living allowance cheque arrived, mum would now get nothing. By being so greedy, she had eliminated getting any money from me.
But the amount paid by the living allowance cheques would never be enough for me to live on if I had to pay rent – even in 1969.
I continued to live in the Morris Minor for the next two weeks.
I told myself each night that I only had to survive that night. Every other night could wait its turn.
****
I finally became a qualified lawyer in a different city and a different State in December 1987 – 20 years and 9 months after I started studying law in 1967.
I did not meet Margaret until 1998.
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Terrible situations can be overcome. Try not to panic.
Add meaning to your life by acting with purpose.
When you add meaning to your life, the way out of the Pit is unmistakable.
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I will tell you more tomorrow.
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