Blog No. 206 - Our Cancer Ghosting Experience Part 1: 17 March 2025

In this and later Blogs, I will quote extracts from the Amit Mishra article and then summarise the lived experience of Margaret and me during the 2 ½ years after our cancellation began because of the Cancer Ghosting to which we were subjected.

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Amit Mishra Extract

"Cancer ghosting" is a most-prevalent yet unaddressed side effect of cancer that. It refers to describe the phenomenon where friends, family, or loved ones suddenly withdraw or cease communication with someone after they receive a cancer diagnosis. This social abandonment can happen without explanation, leaving the patient feeling isolated and unsupported during an already challenging time. The term borrows from the concept of "ghosting" in relationships, where one party abruptly ends contact, but applies it specifically to the context of cancer. Cancer ghosting occurs when people in a patient’s social circle—those expected to provide emotional or practical support—distance themselves or disappear entirely following the diagnosis. This can manifest as stopped calls, unanswered messages, or a complete lack of check-ins. It’s a surprisingly common experience, with some surveys suggesting that over half of cancer patients encounter it. For example, research from organizations like War on Cancer has indicated that around 65% of surveyed survivors reported losing friends or relatives after their diagnosis, while the American Cancer Society notes that more than half of patients feel socially isolated during treatment.

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I was stunned when I stumbled across Amit’s article.  In this Blog, I will try and outline who engaged in our Cancer Ghosting.

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We had what Margaret and I thought was a very close circle of friends.  Margaret had known most of them for many decades.  After more than 20 years of being an intimate part of Margaret’s life, I had thought they were my friends too.

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This is Ann Ryan, the Chief Architect of our Cancer Ghosting.  I took this photo in Naas, Ireland on 30 July 2009 at our wedding.  Ann had done much of the administrative work to help us get married in Ireland even though our home was in Adelaide, South Australia.

Ann refused to come to Margaret’s funeral and sent a video eulogy.  In her eulogy, Ann never mentioned my name or our wedding once, and never mentioned her central role in our wedding on 30 July 2009.

I now believe that in reality, the woman Margaret and I had thought was an extremely close friend, was actually steeped in evil.  Using the simple definition that an evil person is someone who does evil things, Ann Ryan was certainly steeped in evil.

It would be appropriate to say “Evil, thy name is Ann Ryan”.

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Margaret was particularly close to Ann Ryan.  Ann had been married to Margaret’s brother Jim Redden and Jim Redden decided to terminate his marriage to Ann shortly after Margaret’s then husband had decided to dump Margaret when he had an affair with another woman.  The shared experience of being dumped by a husband created a strong bond between Margaret and Ann.

When Margaret and I decided to get married in Ireland – which Margaret had come to see as her second home – we knew we could ask Ann to help organise a truly memorable wedding.  And Ann did just that.  Our wedding in Ireland was the happiest day of my life.

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This is Heather Long on our wedding day in Ireland.  Heather and her husband Andrew flew from Adelaide to Ireland so they could celebrate our wedding.

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Margaret’s friendship with Heather dated back to when Margaret was in her 20s and Margaret was aged 70 when Heather decided to become part of the Cancer Ghosting.  I had known Heather since 1998 and I had thought she was a friend.

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This photo shows Sue Chapman on our wedding day in Ireland,

Margaret’s friendship with Sue Chapman also dated back to when Margaret was in her 20s, but Sue Chapman also decided to become part of the Cancer Ghosting.  I had known Sue since 1998 and I had thought she too was a friend.

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This photo shows Nes Fernandez on the left.

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I met Nes in 1997 and he flew to Ireland for our wedding.  Nes and I spent weeks together in 2013 touring across Europe.  Ann had been Nes’s lover for a few short months and convinced him to cease bush walking, to which I had been introduced by Nes.  When Anne decided to commence the Cancer Ghosting, she made certain that Nes never spoke to me again.

Nes refused to come to Margaret’s funeral.  Nes did send me a text when Margaret died – a text in which he could not bring himself to mention Margaret’s name.  I got this text from Nes at 8.40 am Thursday 24 August 2023. Margaret died at 3.16 am on Tuesday 22 August 2023.

I'm sorry for your loss John. Hope she didn't suffer much.

Nes didn’t bother to phone me and he was too busy to send me a condolence card.  I remain grateful that a friend I knew before I met Margaret flew to Ireland for my wedding.  I remain in shock that he preferred to believe the lies peddled to him by his former lover Ann Ryan rather than ask me about any issues he thought existed.

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The two photos above show some of the guests who came to our wedding in Ireland.  Ann had introduced us to her friends and family in Ireland.  We had thought that they had become our friends also.  The people we thought were our Irish friends included Ann’s close family members.  Not one of the guests at our wedding sent a condolence card or message of any kind when Margaret died.  I have no idea what lies Ann Ryan told them but they must have been big ones.

When the Cancer Ghosting began, Ann made sure that everyone she knew – in Australia and Ireland – had zero contact with us.  They obviously believed the lies she told them

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This is Maeve O’Byrne with her daughter.  Maeve was knowledgeable about ancient Irish customs and lore.  One ancient Irish custom is the Handfasting Ceremony – the ancient, original Irish marriage ceremony.  The expression “Tying the Knot” is often used as shorthand for getting married.  Tying the knot is an essential part of the Irish Handfasting Ceremony.

When we decided to get married, we wanted to publicly state that our commitment was very definitely for life, so we had two consecutive marriage ceremonies.

Bernadette was the official celebrant recognised under Irish law.  The official Irish ceremony made certain that we were wife and husband under both Irish and Australian law; Irish wedding ceremonies are fully recognised in Australia.

Maeve was the celebrant of our Handfasting Ceremony.  Handfasting is not recognised by the legal system, but it was certainly recognised by us.  We married for the duration of our lives and Maeve was our celebrant.

Maeve sent a video eulogy to the funeral in which she never mentioned my name or that she had married us. Margaret and I had both thought Maeve was a good friend. Maeve also fell under the evil spell of Ann Ryan.

To be continued...