Blog 254 – Leaving The Pit of Despair, Part 9 – 17 May 2025

My purpose is to give hope to those who have lost hope. Without hope, we remain lost in the Shadow Lands.

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Blog 253 finished with these words.

Tomorrow I will tell you about the physical things I did to make sure I got myself out of the Pit.  I still do the same things because the Pit always beckons and it is so easy to simply fall straight back into it. Some of the tools I use are yoga and meditation.

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This was me on 11 November 2015.  Back then, I had started to teach myself how to meditate but I had not yet started yoga.  Meditation is not some crazy, religious cult practice.  It is not even a religious practice.  It is a tool that sits outside every religion and it does not contravene the beliefs of any religion at all.

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This is a photo of Margaret from about 2010.  She had regained much of her health after we married in 2009, but unfortunately this recovery was not permanent.  There were few occasions after this photo when she ever looked so healthy.

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This was sunset when Margaret and I visited the island of Santorini in Greece.  If you look, you can see the golden pathway folding out from the Sun straight across the sea towards Santorini.  Try and remember, there is always a pathway to climb out of the Pit of Depression.

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I was as proud of every one of you as I am of my son Chris and my friends Alf and Mario.

You probably do not wear a uniform, but that does not matter.  Heroes never actually look like heroes.  They simply are heroes.

I am a hero too and I try to convince myself just how much I matter.

Like you, I have trouble realising that there is anything important or heroic about me.  How can there be?  I am just me.

I have always been wrong in my assessment of me just as you are probably wrong in your assessment of you. 

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I have always been a great reader.  In my grade 1 class in 1955, there were 64 children.  No, I am not exaggerating.  The teacher was a Brigidine nun and the school was run by the nuns in Port Melbourne, Victoria.  It no longer exists. The nun wrote the letters of the alphabet on the top of the blackboard – one line of lower case letters (little letters) and one line underneath of upper case letters (big letters).  Somehow, in the chaos of this classroom filled with children, the num was supposed to teach us how to read and write.  She couldn’t of course.

I used to read 3 or 4 books every week.  I have now slowed my reading down.

In late 2013, most of the books I was reading (all non fiction) said that if I really wanted to become a better human being, I needed to start meditating.  The books all said that once I made the decision to meditate, a meditation teacher would appear.

No meditation teacher ever popped up and I got tired of waiting to start doing what the books said was very important.

I did what would be done by anyone who had taught himself how to read and write in a class of 64 children.  I decided to teach myself and got some books which supposedly would tell me how to meditate.

I got nowhere of course.  I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing and the authors of the books I was using had no more idea what I did.

Eventually, I did teach myself how to meditate and what I say in this and future blogs about meditation is based on my own experience of teaching myself how to meditate.

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I will start with trying to give you an idea of what meditation is.

It is not a fancy word for some idiotic religious “experience”.  It is a purely physical exercise that you subject yourself to because it helps you to calm down in difficult situations.  Because you are calmer, any decisions you make are likely to be far more effective in solving whatever problem you are faced with.

Try to stop, be calm for a moment and try to eliminate all thoughts from your head.

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You cannot, because it is impossible.  Not even the most holy Buddhist monk is unable to completely stop the massive river of thoughts that cascades through our brains every moment of the day.

The best that I can do is slow down the massive river of thought.  When I do that, I am able to ignore most but not all of those other matters which always try and catch my attention.

My definition of meditation is slowing my thought processes down so that the rubbish can be ignored.  When I am able to do this, I find my mind simply gives me the best solutions to the biggest problem that is bothering me.  Sometimes the solution comes while I am meditating, sometimes later.

When Margaret was ill, meditation enabled me to accept that there was nothing I could do except always be there for her whenever she needed me.  The best solution to Margaret’s illness was for me to accept that there was no solution.  She was dying and I needed to ensure I did everything I could to ease her pain. And that is what I did.

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Be like me and Margaret.  Dig deep within yourself and find your commitment.  Get your leg over the side of the bed and put one foot in front of the other.  Just do it.

Left foot.

Right foot.

Left foot.

Right foot.

You can do this no matter how low you feel.

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Tomorrow I will tell you more about meditation and how I managed to use it to help me.

Blog 253 – Leaving The Pit of Despair, Part 8 – 16 May 2025

My purpose is to give hope to those who have lost hope. Without hope, we remain lost in the Shadow Lands.

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Blog 253 finished with these words.

Dig deep within yourself and find your commitment.  Swing your leg over the side of the bed and put one foot in front of the other.  Just do it. Left foot. Right foot. Left foot. Right foot. You can do this because even though you never realised it before, you are indeed a HERO. And I love every one of you because you are such wonderful heroes. **** I will tell you more tomorrow about a different aspect of commitment – the commitment you owe to yourself.

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This is a photo of Mario.  I first met Mario in 1997 when I started walking at Morialta.  Although Mario was born in Australia, his father was born in Italy and interned as an “enemy alien” for the duration of WW2.  Mario was the living embodiment of personal commitment.

I was blessed by having Mario as my friend.

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I was as proud of Mario as I am of my son Chris and my friend Alf.

Mario never wore any uniform but he was still a hero. 

No one needs to wear a uniform to be a hero.

Everyone I have ever met is already a hero.

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Mario was born in Broken Hill, in New South Wales and his family lived in Broken Hill when his father was imprisoned as an enemy alien at Loveday in South Australia.  The internment lasted for the duration of WW2.

Mario and his mother survived the war because of the kindness of their neighbours.  The neighbours were sex workers who made sure the family had food to eat.  The Australian government didn’t care what happened to Mario’s mother and her children.

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Mario was one of the bravest people I have ever met.

He had to leave school at age 14 and go out to work.  By that stage, the war was over and his father had established a barber shop.  Mario worked in his father’s barber shop until he established his own barber shop.

Mario was 55 when I first met him in 1997.  He was far fitter than me even though at age 48, I was a lot younger than him.  

Mario was never bad tempered.

He never felt sorry for himself and he never complained.

One of Mario’s eyes was made of glass.  The original eye had been amputated by the surgeons because it was diseased.  

Mario used to laugh about having only one eye.

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Ten years after I first met Mario, he contracted prostate cancer.

One of his kidneys was sacrificed to beat the cancer.

Mario never complained once.  He only ever spoke factually about what was and what was not happening.  He never descended into the Pit of Despair.  He simply dealt with one problem at a time, with the multitude of issues involved in having cancer.

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In 2010, Mario was walking down one of the tracks at Morialta when he stumbled and started to run out of breath.  He continued walking until we reached the car park and he even complained when we rang an ambulance.  Mario had had a heart attack.

The ambulance took Mario to hospital so he could receive treatment for his heart attack.

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Mario still ran his barber shop until he finally disposed of it at age 76.

Although Mario was now officially retired, he still walked every week at Morialta.

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Mario had a strong sense of commitment to himself and to those around him.  He was a good man.

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Mario’s prostate cancer came back early in 2023.

At that time, I was deep inside the Pit of Despair because Margaret was dying.  I am sure I did not pay as much attention to Mario’s ill health as I should have – but I did have a genuine excuse.

Mario did not complain.  He had commitment to himself and to those who loved and needed him.

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Even though he knew he was dying, Mario kept up his weekly walking at Morialta on Sundays.

The final time Mario walked at Morialta was on Sunday 24 November 2024.

Mario entered Mary Potter Hospice (a hospital for the terminally ill) on Monday 25 November 2024.

The cancer finally ended Mario’s life on Wednesday 11 December 2024.

As the cancer and the treatments kept weakening him, Mario was forced to shorten his Morialta walks, but he never quit living or walking – ever.

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When I talk about the need for you to have commitment to yourself and to others, I am thinking of the commitment shown by Mario.

On paper, there was no particular reason for him to resist death as vigorously as he did – but the theories set out on paper were irrelevant.  Mario was true to himself.  He displayed the same commitment to himself as he showed to those around him.

Be like Mario.  Dig deep within yourself and find your commitment.  Swing your leg over the side of the bed and put one foot in front of the other.  Just do it.

Left foot.

Right foot.

Left foot.

Right foot.

You can do this because even though you never realised it before, you are indeed a HERO.

And I love you just as much as I loved and admired Mario.

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Tomorrow I will tell you about the physical things I did to make sure I got myself out of the Pit.  I still do the same things because the Pit always beckons and it is so easy to simply fall straight back into it.

Some of the tools I use are yoga and meditation.

Blog No. 252 – Leaving The Pit of Despair, Part 7 – 14 May 2025

My purpose is to give hope to those who have lost hope. Without hope, we remain lost in the Shadow Lands.

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Blog 251 finished with these words.

And quite apart from the love that will encourage you to swing your leg out of bed, there is that other reason why you definitely can get out of bed, no matter how exhausted your body feels. You are a HERO. That is the real reason why you can get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. Heroes like you have the ability to do what others think is impossible.

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Another modest and extremely talented man is my friend Alf.  Alf was originally Italian and he came to Australia with his parents.  Alf could not speak one word of English when he arrived in Australia.  His parents sought a new, better home where their children – including Alf – would have a chance for a decent life.  Alf’s parents have now passed away, but they must be so very proud of their son.

I am blessed by having Alf as my friend.

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I am as proud of Alf as I am of my son Chris.

Alf is yet another hero who does not wear any uniform. 

You REALLY do not need a uniform to be a hero.

You already are a hero.

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Do I hear you thinking I am trying to make it sound so easy to leave the Pit of Despair?

I am doing nothing of the kind.

You are able to leave the Pit but you would not be able to do this but for one simple fact – you are a HERO.

Only heroes have the resilience to walk to the end of the street, feel exhausted and force themselves to keep walking.

Because you are depressed, you have a physical problem that is trying to overwhelm you.

You are so very, very TIRED

You are so tired you just want to curl up somewhere and never have to move again – ever.

The only way to overcome your exhaustion is to realise you have something called commitment.

If you continue to let yourself wallow in the Pit and die, you will create so many expressions of total sadness.  They will never really leave the faces of 

• Your mother.

• Your father.

• Your brothers and sisters.

• Everyone else who has always loved you including your wife, husband and children.

• Those astonishingly brave friends who served with you in the military – your comrades who would (quite literally) have died to save your life while you served your country.

• That wonderful dog of yours who has always given you total love and devotion.

When you are so tired that you can barely lift one leg let alone lift both legs, dig into yourself and recognise that there are ties to yourself and to others that you cannot ever break.  Those are the ties created by commitment.

You might try telling yourself, if I am dead, I will not have to face any of them any more, so if I do have any commitments, I can just let myself die and get rid of them.

What makes you think that offers you an easy way out?

Use your brains.

So, you have ditched the religion you were taught when you were growing up.  Do you REALLY think they got EVERYTHING completely wrong and that everything will end if you just let yourself die.  If you think this, you are making some big assumptions and lots of people will be forced to pay penalties if you get it wrong.

If death is not the end of everything – and I am completely certain it is not – you will certainly pay whatever price has to be paid for letting yourself die when you could have lived if you had shown more commitment, but so too will others.

Those expressions of total sadness will never really leave the faces of people whose only mistake was to love you.  Think for a few moments and let yourself feel guilty.

It is also possible that by bringing so much sadness into the world, you will cop an extra penalty – one on top of the “normal” one you have to pay for letting yourself die.  This penalty would be payable for causing so much needless harm to people who never did you any harm.  

I can’t say this will or will not happen because I am not dead yet, but if you give up, you are certainly gambling with the lives of others and not just with your own.  You will be gambling that you have got it correct and there is nothing at all on the other side.

Don’t do that.  Dig deep within yourself and find your commitment.  Swing your leg over the side of the bed and put one foot in front of the other.  Just do it.

Left foot.

Right foot.

Left foot.

Right foot.

You can do this because even though you never realised it before, you are indeed a HERO.

And I love every one of you because you are such wonderful heroes.

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I will tell you more tomorrow about a different aspect of commitment – the commitment you owe to yourself.

 

Blog 251 – Leaving The Pit of Despair, Part 6 – 13 May 2025

My purpose is to give hope to those who have lost hope. Without hope, we remain lost in the Shadow Lands.

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Blog 250 finished with these words.

Love will give you the strength of put one foot in front of another. You can force yourself to keep going until tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, it will no longer be tomorrow … and you can force yourself to keep going until the new tomorrow comes. When you have made yourself walk through enough tomorrows, it will slowly dawn on you that you have truly walked out of the Pit. You can do this because you are a hero.   Ignore anyone claiming you are nothing like a hero.   Just look into the mirror.   The face you see is yours, and you ARE a hero.   Nothing could be more certain.

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The modest but extremely talented man on the left as you look at this photo is my friend Juan Acosta.  Juan was originally Venezuelan and he came to Australia alone when he could not speak one word of English.  He sought a new, safe home for his family – far away from the madness of then Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

This wonderful man called Juan did indeed find a safe new home for his family in Australia and he is now Australian.  I am blessed by having his son help me run Hankin Redden.

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I am as proud of Juan Acosta as I am of my son Chris.

Most heroes look just like everybody else, but don’t be fooled.  

You REALLY do not need a uniform to be a hero.

You already are a hero.

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But, I hear you say “I don’t have the energy to walk anywhere”.  I barely have the energy to stagger to the toilet.  I definitely don’t have the energy to cook; that is why I eat so much take away food!

I have been in that situation and I too have felt like death warmed up.  Every one of us has, at some point, felt like sh*t so much that we have not been able to even get out of bed.

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Long before I met Margaret, my heart was broken by a romance which ended badly.  The romance had ended months before the events I will describe, so I had had plenty of time in which to get over my heartache – but healing happens when it happens.  And if you don't even know you need healing, the process does not have a chance to start.

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I had gone to work as usual on the Thursday before Easter.

After work, I had drunk my usual dozen cans of beer – maybe more.  This helped me get sleepy - so I went to bed and slept.

I woke up on Good Friday morning, grabbed myself some more beers … and went back to bed.  

I stayed in bed until I had to go back to work because the Easter public holidays had finished.

Well, I didn’t really stay in bed without ever getting up.  I had to get up whenever I ran out of beer.

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There is a recognised medical word to describe what was happening to me.

I was depressed.

I was certainly suffering from depression.

I could not get out of bed even to drink my beers.

I did not have the energy to have a shower, a shave or to brush my teeth.

I definitely had no energy to cook anything … and I didn’t have the energy to even order take away food, although I could have had it delivered.

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So, when I tell you that you need to do things one Step at a Time and your response is I cannot even get out of bed, I know exactly what you mean.  You mean how am I going to walk anywhere when I can’t even get out of bed?

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The answer is simple and you will hate me for telling you.

You will get out of bed and start the process of putting one foot in front of the other because others love you and want you to do just that.

If you are able to visualise (I cannot), let you mind capture the image of your wife, or your husband, or your mother, or your father … or even Rufus the dog … smiling and encouraging you.

Feel the love of those who want you to swing your leg over the mattress and get up.

You can swing that leg and you can walk.

And once you have got yourself out of bed, you don’t even have to have a shower before you force your body to start walking down the street … or through the park.  The shower can wait until you get home.

Breakfast can wait until you get home.

The beer can wait until you get home.

And once you have started placing one foot in front of the other, you have started your own Great Escape.

Left foot.

Right foot.

Left foot.

Right foot.

You know you can do it.

Don’t be too hard on yourself.

If the end of the street really is the furthest distance you can force your body to reach, accept that is your maximum distance … today.

You can try and go further tomorrow.

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And quite apart from the love that will encourage you to swing your leg out of bed, there is that other reason why you definitely can get out of bed, no matter how exhausted your body feels.

You are a HERO.

That is the real reason why you can get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other.

Heroes like you have the ability to do what others think is impossible.

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I will tell you more tomorrow.