131 – Cancelled, Part 4: 29 December 2024

I loved Port Lincoln, so we went to Port Lincoln for a few days in February 2021.

Early morning on the Port Lincoln beach on 16 February 2021.

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 Early morning on Port Lincoln waterfront on 16 February 2021.

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All actions have consequences. 

I only narrowly avoided death after the cancellation of both me and Margaret by Anne Ryan and our former friends after the barbecue on 26 January 2021.

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Because I convinced myself that my symptoms had eased slightly, I decided my health had improved slightly in November and December 2020.  Of course, I was wrong to think this.

My weight had reduced to 84 kilograms by October 2020.  This was the weight that the dietician recommended as ideal for me.  I no longer tried to lose weight once I reached 84 kilograms.

What I wanted was irrelevant though. 

I could not slow down the continued deterioration of my weight from a healthy weight into the death zone.  

It is a simple proposition.  If you are unable to eat, you lose weight.  If you continue to lose weight, you eventually die.

This Table sets out my weight loss in October, November and December 2020.

84.0 kilograms                                     Friday 23 October 2020 83.4 kilograms                                     Friday 30 October 2020 83.9 kilograms                                     Friday 6 November 2020 82.4 kilograms                                     Friday 13 November 2020 83.3 kilograms                                     Friday 20 November 2020 82.7 kilograms                                     Friday 27 November 2020 83.0 kilograms                                     Friday 4 December 2020 82.4 kilograms                                     Friday 11 December 2020 82.6 kilograms                                     Friday 18 December 2020 82.1 kilograms                                     Friday 25 December 2020

 

The deterioration in my health started turning into a death slide in January 2021 and the death slide steadily gained momentum.  

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This Table sets out my weight loss in January 2021.

84.0 kilograms                                     Friday 23 October 2020 82.5 kilograms                         Friday 1 January 2021 81.7 kilograms                         Friday 8 January 2021 82.4 kilograms                         Friday 15 January 2021 80.7 kilograms                         Friday 22 January 2021 82.0 kilograms                         Friday 29 January 2021

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This Table sets out my weight loss in February 2021.

 

81.1 kilograms                                     Friday 5 February 82.5 kilograms                         Friday 12 February 2021 81.7 kilograms                         Friday 19 February 2021 82.4 kilograms                         Friday 26 February 2021

 My weight loss continued long after February 2021.

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As well as continuously losing weight, I steadily became physically more feeble.  I ceased to be able to do the exercise that I wanted to do – the exercise my body needed me to do to stay alive.

This Table contrasts the exercise that I wanted to do with the exercise that I was actually able to do.  I am not physically lazy.  None of the “lost” exercise was the result of me not having the motivation to do it.  The lost exercise occurred because I was physically incapable to doing it.  This Table graphically highlights the decline in my health in January 2021.

 

Date	Scheduled Exercise	Actual Exercise
Sunday 10 January	3 ½ hours at Morialta	1 ½ hours at Morialta
Sunday 24 January 2021	3 ½ hours at Morialta	1 hour at home
Sunday 31 January 2021	3 ½ hours at Morialta	1 ½ hours at Morialta

 

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This Table sets out the rapid, significant decline in my health in February 2021.  To steal an expression from American tv crime shows, I had begun to “circle the drain”.  I did not realise it then, but my body had started to die.

 

Date	Scheduled Exercise	Actual Exercise
Wednesday 10 February	30 minutes yoga	Nil
Friday 12 February	1 hour walking at Port Augusta, plus 30 minutes yoga	Nil
Saturday 13 February	1 hour walking at Port Lincoln, plus 30 minutes yoga	Nil
Sunday 14 February	1 hour walking at Port Lincoln, plus 30 minutes yoga	30 minutes walking at Port Lincoln
Monday 15 February	1 hour walking at Port Lincoln, plus 30 minutes yoga	- 30 minutes easy walking at Port Lincoln - 30 minutes yoga
Tuesday 16 February	1 hour walking at Port Lincoln, plus 30 minutes yoga	30 minutes walking at Port Lincoln
Wednesday 17 February	1 hour walking at Port Augusta or Port Lincoln, plus 30 minutes yoga	30 minutes walking at Port Lincoln
Thursday 18 February	1 hour walking at home, plus 30 minutes yoga	Nil
Friday 19 February	1 hour walking at home, plus 30 minutes yoga	Nil
Thursday 25 February	1 hour walking at home, plus 30 minutes yoga	1 hour walking at home
Friday 26 February	1 hour walking at home, plus 30 minutes yoga	Nil
Saturday 27 February	1 hour walking at home, plus 30 minutes yoga	30 minutes yoga

 

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On some days I was still able to do some of my recommended exercise, but doing so became increasingly difficult.  On other days, I was unable to do any exercise at all.

I was in continuous pain.

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Although I was still able to eat breakfast in January 2021, I was completely unable to eat lunch and eating dinner became increasingly impossible.  Being able to eat only small segments of meals became a common occurrence.

This Table identifies the meals I was unable to eat in January 2021

Date	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Friday 1 January 2021		None
Saturday 2 January		None
Sunday 3 January		None
Monday 4 January		None
Tuesday 5 January		None
Thursday 7 January		None
Saturday 9 January		None
Sunday 10 January		None
Monday 11 January		None
Sunday 17 January		None
Sunday 24 January		None
Tuesday 26 January		None
Thursday 28 January		None
Saturday 30 January		None	None
Sunday 31 January		None

 

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After my cancellation on 8 February 2021, my physical inability to eat became more pronounced.  This Table identifies the meals where I was unable to eat any food in February.

Date	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Thursday 4 February		None
Sunday 7 February		None
Saturday 13 February		None	None
Sunday 14 February		None
Monday 15 February		None
Tuesday 16 February		None
Wednesday 17 February		None
Thursday 18 February		None	Bowl ice cream
Friday 19 February			Bowl ice cream
Saturday 20 February		None
Sunday 21 February		None	Bowl of ice cream
Monday 22 February		Bowl ice cream
Tuesday 23 February		Raspberry muffin
Friday 26 February		None	Bowl ice cream
Saturday 27 February		None
Sunday 28 February		None

 

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By the end of February, it was usually impossible for me to eat lunch and I was often unable to eat either lunch or dinner.  My stomach would accept ice cream so I began having a bowl of ice cream as my “dinner”.  Throughout that February, breakfast was the only meal I was usually able to eat.

Margaret was the one who had cancer, but my body had decided to shut down as well.  Partly this was because I desperately wanted Margaret to live, but the horrible stink of death to my agony was a direct result of my cancellation by someone I had thought was a friend.

The lives of both Margaret and me became a daily battle to survive.

Anne Ryan had cancelled me and my life hung in the balance. 

Margaret had terminal cancer and she had been cancelled too.  Her long time friend did not give a shit about the impending death of her two former friends.