130 – Cancelled, Part 4: 28 December 2024

I took these photos on Sunday 22 November 2020.  They give some insight into the fragile nature of our lives on this planet and the tenuous nature of relationships that seem so permanent.

Butterflies are so exquisitely beautiful, but their lives are so short.

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Flowers bloom in Spring and look just as beautiful as the butterflies.  They live longer than butterflies, but they too have short lives.

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We humans think our lives are permanent because we live for much longer than butterflies or flowers, but we too have limited time spans during when we are permitted to live on this earth.  

We think our friendships are permanent, but they too can die without any prior signs of illness.

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This is the sequence of texts between me and Anne Ryan in February 2021 which enabled her to tell me that Margaret and I had both been cancelled.

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I sent this text to Anne at 9.15 am on Wednesday 3 February 2021.

Are you available for chat on Friday?  Coffee?  Lunch? Am available all day.

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I got this reply at 11.14 am on Wednesday 3 February.

Can’t do Friday.  How about Saturday?

 

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I replied at 11.14 am on 3 February.

Sure.  Saturday is fine.

 

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Later on 3 February, Anne claimed that she already had a prior appointment for Saturday 6 February.  Because of later developments, I am confident this was a lie.

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I got this text at 2.23 pm on 3 February.

Sorry.  Forgot I’m tied up Sat.  I’ll get back to you for sometime next week.

 

I was puzzled by this text from Anne abruptly cancelling our “reconciliation” meeting because Anne never made mistakes about diary entries.

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I finally got this text from Anne at 3.07 pm on Sunday 7 February.

I c an drop Marg from Beckman tomorrow.  I’ll also return your car.  MacFarlane st is being dug up again this week so its better for car at your house than on the street.  We can have a quick chat when I get to ur place if it suits you.  A  Note: Text is reproduced exactly as sent to me.

 

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I replied at 4.32 pm on 7 February.

 

Ok

 

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Because of her treatments, Margaret was not able to drive in February 2021.  She had asked me to drop her off at a coffee shop.  Anne and Margaret’s other close friends were meeting her there.  Anne’s text indicated she would bring Margaret home from the coffee shop and then have her long delayed chat with me.

I did not know it then, but the chat Anne had in mind had nothing to do with resolving any differences.  The only chat she wanted was a very short one telling me to bugger off and that as a result, Margaret had also to bugger off.

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I sent this letter to Anne Ryan by email in the afternoon of Monday 8 February 2021.  It tells the story of what happened at the meeting.

I have not laid eyes on Anne Ryan since Monday 8 February 2021.  Een as Margaret's health deteriorated as death edged ever closer, Margaret never again saw her so called friend except in places that were far from her home.  Her friends refused to see her in her own home.  So too did all except one of the other supposed friends that Margaret had introduced to Anne Ryan.  The only friend who continued to see Margaret in her own home was Cheryl Scopazzi.  I believe Cheryl was the "designated friend".  She was tasked by the others with seeing Margaret in her own home.

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Monday 8 February 2021   Dear Anne,   Re: Our “Discussion” This Afternoon I sent you the letter dated 27 January because you have been my dear friend and two separate incidents had occurred which had caused me great distress (physically and emotionally).  The purpose of the earlier letter was to let you know that you had distressed me and the impact that the incidents had had on me.  My hope was that by telling you the impact your actions had on me, we could discuss ways to make sure nothing similar happened in the future. If I had not wanted to continue the friendship, I would not have written the letter. Shortly after I sent you the letter, you sent me a text saying: “I read your email and I recognise everything you said.  I’m so sorry you had such a bad physical reaction.  I have no idea about what to do about our political differences or about this rift.” I replied saying:  “I do not know what to do either but do treasure the friendship.” You replied saying: “Me too.  We probably need to talk at some stage and look for a solution.” I presumed you meant that we should let some time go by to enable emotions to cool and that we should then discuss the issues raised in the letter in a reasonable manner. I replied saying: “Yes.  Let it be for now.” You replied saying: “I think that a good plan.” We eventually met this afternoon at our place to have our talk.  I was stunned and upset by what rapidly followed.  To the best of my recollection, this is what was said. I said something along the lines of what should we do? You said that there were two possible approaches – discussing what I said in my letter and discussing what to do from now on.  You said that discussing the contents of the letter would only make the situation worse and that you did not want to do this.  You said that the best you hoped for was to be able to salvage what could be salvaged from the wreck.  You said you hoped to keep our interactions in the future to a minimum and that you hoped we could be polite to each other.  You also said you wanted to retain your friendship with Margaret.  You implied that my attitude as expressed in the letter was the result of Margie’s cancer diagnosis and I presumed this meant you believed I had raised the matters set out in the letter only because my judgment was clouded by the diagnosis.  I presumed you meant you had done nothing that needed to be discussed. I was stunned by what you said. I said I thought we should talk about the issues that I had raised in my letter.  You said you did not want to talk about what I had said in my letter.  You said that my letter had made it clear that I did not want to have any ongoing friendship with you because it was not written in a way that suggested any desire for a continuing friendship.  I said that if I did not have a high opinion of you, I would not have written the letter in the first place. You seemed to have decided that as far as you were concerned, we were to no longer be friends. You said that you had received “two great gifts” from the friendship.  The first was the loan of my car and that not many people would lend their car to anyone for such a long period but that the loan of the car was coming to an end in any event and you were returning it today.  The other “great gift” was me introducing you to Morialta and this was the “gift that kept on giving”. I then asked if you believed that you had done nothing deserving of criticism in relation to the things I had raised in the letter.  You replied that I had been in a “permanent rage” since Margie’s diagnosis.  Once again, I presumed you meant that my judgment was clouded by the diagnosis. I then asked directly if you felt that none of the matters raised in the letter were matters that should have caused me any distress. You then said you would not discuss the matters raised in the letter and that you were leaving.  You called out goodbye to Margie (who was in a different room) and you rapidly left the house. In the hours since your abrupt departure I have wondered what I ought to do.  You certainly seem to have decided that I am no longer a person that you wish to know any more.  Not only is this very distressing to me (and to Margaret), but the discussion immediately before you left was also very distressing. A rupture in the friendship was not my intention, but if that is what you want, there is nothing I can do about it. As I have already said, the intention of my earlier letter was not to terminate a friendship but to enable it to continue by having us agree on some “rules of conduct”.  Written with much sorrow and sadness.  I have placed much value on our friendship.   John   Note:  After I had written this letter, Margie found the card and gift vouchers that you had left.  The thought is genuinely appreciated.