108 – Celebration of Friendship, Staying Alive Part 8: 30 November 2024

In blog 106, I referred to our trip from Adelaide to Port Lincoln on Tuesday 30 April 2019 and to how Ann Ryan and Sue Chapman went with us.  The Port Lincoln trip was to celebrate my 70^th birthday.

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An earlier celebration of my birthday took place in the evening of Saturday 27 April 2019 at a restaurant overlooking Adelaide’s River Torrens.  In hindsight, I see this evening was the last occasion when the nearly complete friendship group gathered to have fun without the shadow of Margaret’s illness hanging over all of us.  Margaret looked very healthy in the restaurant.

Finding this photo of Margaret from just before she became deadly ill, has filled me with longing for a past that can never be relived.  Margaret looked so very healthy, yet even then, the cancer had probably already started its initial growth spurt.  During the 4 ½ years of life that Margaret then had left to her, she never again looked as healthy as she did that night.

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 Nes Fernandez also looked very healthy that evening.  The photo above is Nez on 27 April 2019.  Nez had a heart attack in 2013 and came close to death.

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The group of friends gave me a small statue of the Buddha as a birthday present.

 

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While in Port Lincoln, the four of us stayed in a rented apartment on the beachfront.  Margaret’s mobility was limited because of the neurological damage in her spine, but she and I had a wonderful time.  It was so very good to be with people who we believed – wrongly as found out later – were our very good friends.

Anne Ryan is on the left and Sue Chapman is on the right in this photo.   I took this photo on a walk along the beachfront at Port Lincoln.

 

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One of the reasons I love Port Lincoln is because of scenery just like this.

These waves were rolling into the shore just south of the town of Port Lincoln.

I took this photo just above from nearly the same spot as the preceding one.

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 Margaret loved being in Port Lincoln and her enjoyment of the trip was obvious.

  

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I never had any repeat of a sneeze attack of the same severity as that in Morialta in about July 2019, but my sneezing never went away.  It steadily accelerated.

I began to always carry two fresh handkerchiefs in my pockets and I always had to throw them into the laundry at the end of every day.  Usually, two handkerchiefs per day were not enough to soak up the great volumes of liquid produced every day by my nasal system. 

The sneeze always came several times per day and they came every day.  I never had a day when I was sneeze free. 

My stitch line from the heart operation continued to be under great strain and I had to take increasing care whenever I drank or ate anything.  If I suddenly sneezed while eating or drinking, whatever was in my mouth became a projectile which could easily hit anyone near me.  I began immediately clutching my chest whenever I detected a sneeze was about to make an appearance.  I felt it might prevent the chest from splitting open.  

Life became increasingly hard, but I did my best to ignore the sneezing.  I had no idea what was causing it, but I hoped vainly that if simply ignored it, it would eventually stop.

I was wrong of course.  

There was no possibility of the sneezing ever going away on its own, but I did not know that in mid 2019.

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Magaret watched me closely.  She knew I was in trouble, but she could not think of anything obvious that might be causing my sneezing.

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Apart from the sneezing, another disturbing symptom appeared in about September 2019..

It became increasingly impossible for me to breathe through my nose. 

At first, only one nostril appeared to be permanently blocked, but as time went by, it became impossible to breathe through either nostril.  I started exclusively breathing through my mouth.

Breathing through the mouth has at least one overwhelming factor in its favour.  Mouth breathing does enable air to get air into the body; but it is a poor substitute for breathing through the body part specifically designed to allow air to get into the system.  

We have noses and air passages because these are the main body parts designed to allow us to breathe.  Breathing through the mouth permanently is a little like relying on the backup generator for your main power source instead of relying on it for its primary function – as a backup.

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I have meditated for an hour every day since 2013.  As part of my daily meditation, I began to tell my body to unblock my nasal passages.  It was difficult, but at the end of an hour of meditation, I was usually successful in being able to breathe through both nostrils again.

Unfortunately, my mediation therapy was never successful for more than ten minutes after I had finished meditating.

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I was in trouble, but I tried to hide this from Margaret.

We had a holiday in Ireland coming up and I would not permit sneezing and breathing difficulties to get in the way of our holiday

 

107 – Staying Alive, Part 7: 29 November 2024

I have already recounted the increasingly strong sneeze attacks I began experiencing as 2019 wore on.  Although I felt most vulnerable when the sneeze attacks occurred while I was walking at Morialta, they occurred everywhere and not just when I was at Morialta.

Increasingly as 2019 wore on, the sneeze attacks began undermining my stitch line from the open heart surgery.  The constant sneezing began to tear one side of the stich line away from the other side.

I assumed that the sneezing was caused by the stress of what I had been through and that the sneezing would settle down as time went by,

By 2019, I usually walked my Morialta perimeter circuit on my own.  Ill health among my friends meant that they were no longer able to engage in a walk that was as strenuous as the one I was doing.  As well as walking the circuit on my own, it was usually dark for the first 30 minutes or so that I walked.  For most of the perimeter circuit, there is no phone coverage and few other walkers have the stamina or interest to walk the trails that I prefer to walk on as I thread my way through Morialta.

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The initial part of the walk is very steep indeed.  It takes you to Old Norton Summit Road.  Then you walk along Old Norton Summit Road for about ten minutes and re-enter the Park on a track which takes you across the top of Third Falls.  The track in this part of the park is called Third Falls Track and it goes steeply uphill.

I took this photo of Third Falls Track on a very foggy Sunday on 17 July 2022 as I struggled my way up the steep slope of Third Falls Track. 

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I no longer remember the exact spot where the sneeze attack started.  Nor do I now remember the exact date when this particular sneeze attack occurred, but the location for the start of the attack was close to the location shown in this photo.

I was walking alone and I had left Third Falls behind me.  The date was after Ann Ryan returned to Ireland on 17 May 2019 and it was before Margaret and I flew to Ireland to join Ann on Friday 7 September 2019.  My guess is that this particular sneeze attack occurred on a bitter cold Sunday morning in June 2019.

Although I had left Third Falls behind me, at least another 45 minutes of very hard uphill walking lay in front of me.  Once I finished this final, extremely hard uphill stretch, the walking would all be relatively easy – either walking on the flat or walking downhill.

The sneeze attack that started after I had left Third Falls behind me very nearly stopped me from ever getting up that final, ever so hard uphill stretch.  It nearly left me dead.

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The attack started in the usual way – 15 sneezes followed by a lull in the sneezing when I started to blow my nose to clear out the grunge conjured up in my nasal system by the sneezing. 

I barely finished blowing my nose before another series of 15 sneezes began trying to disintegrate my stitch line.  Then there was another … and another … and another … and the sneezing simply refused to ever stop.

I staggered my way as best I could up the hill, sneezing violently as I lurched.

I threw away my sodden handkerchief.  It rapidly became useless.  I desperately needed to keep clearing my nose but it was useless trying to use a handkerchief to do so.  I simply blew the endless mucus straight onto the ground.

I had no respite.  I sneezed non stop and I blew my nose onto the ground non stop.  After about thirty minutes - or was it perhaps forty five minutes – I knew I was in big trouble.  I was literally miles away from anyone else.  There was no help anywhere near me.  It was such a miserable winter day that no one except me had even dreamed of walking in the park.  If I stopped and rested on the ground, U would die either from the cold or from a chest torn apart by the sneezing.  If I wanted to get out of the Park alive, I would have to walk out.

Behind me, the track went mostly downhill, but there had been no maintenance on the track for at least 20 years and the track was studded with dangerous rocks that poked out of the ground.  If I stumbled on a rock, I would fall and probably hit my head on another rock.  The walking would be relatively easy if I went downhill, but death would also be very easy if I went downhill.

If I went uphill, the walking would be harder, but it would be safer.  If I had the strength to get up the hill, I had a much better chance of living than if I turned back downhill.

I very slowly stumbled my way up the Third Falls track, frightening all of the park wildlife as I went, my continuous, violent sneezing echoing its way across the Park.

I think it took me an hour and a half to stagger my way up to the top of Third Falls Track.

I also took this photo of Third Falls Track on Sunday 17 July 2022.

When I finally got to the top of Third Fals Track, I grabbed a gate post for support, not daring to let go.  I now knew I would be able to get back to my friends for coffee.  The journey from here to the bottom of the Park was extremely long and hard, but it was easy compared to what I had just endured.

I arrived at the bottom of the Park one hour late for coffee with my friends, A walk which normally took me three hours forty five minutes had taken me five hours.  I knew I had survived only because I had refused to give in.  By the time I sat down for coffee, the sneeze attack finally stopped.

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The continuation of my life that Sunday had hung very precariously in the balance for the three long hours after the start of the sneeze attack. 

Luckily, I got out alive.

106 – Staying Alive, Part 6: 26 November 2024

Magaret and I both started yoga classes on Wednesday 23 January 2019.  Our then great friend Ann Ryan had spent the Australian summer in her unit at Glenelg and she also started yoga with us on 23 January.  We continued doing yoga classes even though I was simultaneously undergoing the cardiac rehabilitation program after the open heart surgery.  We were all one great big happy family.  Anne, Margaret and I attended yoga classes from January to April 2019 on the following Wednesdays. 

·         30 January 2019;

·         6 February 2019;

·         13 February 2019;

·         20 February 2019;

·         6 March 2019;

·         13 March 2019;

·         20 March 2019;

·         27 March 2019;

·         3 April 2019;

·         10 April 2019

·         17 April 2019; and

·         24 April 2019.

Peter Hussey had lived in Ann’s house in County Kildare for more than 20 years by 2019 and Margaret and I both considered him to be a very good friend.  Peter is the moving spirit behind Crooked House Theatre Company and Newbridge Youth Theatre Company.  Peter arrived in Adelaide on Tuesday 12 February and Nes Fernandez held a barbecue to welcome him to Australia.  Nez was at that time my close friend.  He had been Ann Ryan's lover and had started moving away from me when he started his affair with Ann, but tin 2019 he still talked to me.  

We held our own different barbecue on Thursday 14 February.  Both barbecues were filled with friendship and good humour.  Attendees were Margaret and me, Nes Fernandez, Ann Ryan, Sue Chapman and Andrew and Heather Long.  

Margaret is now dead.  Nez and Ann refused to attend the funeral; Sue Chapman, Heathe and Andrew Long went to the funeral but refused to speak to me.  Peter Hussey - like all of the others I have named - - couldn't be bothered sending even a sympathy card when Margaret died.

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We continued the good fellowship by driving to Goolwa on Friday 15 February and staying Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights in Goolwa.  On the drive to Goolwa, we stopped to admire the statue of the Goddess Kwan Yin at Sellicks Beach.  Kwan Yin is the Buddhist Goddess of Compassion.  Supposedly, Kwan Yin is always compassionate to those who ask for her help – no matter what evil deeds the help seeker has engaged in. 

 

I took this photo of Kwan Yin on 15 February 2019.  The Goddess statue is beautiful.  

Kwan Yin must have been completely unaware of the plans the universe had for Margaret and me.  If she had known, I am certain her compassionate heart would have forced her to soften at least a little, the terrible hardships that were accelerating towards us to try and drive both of us to our deaths.

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This is a photo of Margaret with Ann Ryan taken on 15 February 2019.

While we were at Goolwa, Ann could not have maintained a better pretence of being the best friend Margaret or I could ever have.  

Neither Margaret nor I imagined for a moment that Ann's behaviour was just a pretence and that it was indeed a complete lie.  As I said, after Margaret died, Ann refused to come to her funeral.

As another part of the lie, Ann regularly walked my perimeter circuit with me at Morialta, arriving at our place at 6.00 am on Sundays to drive me to Morialta.

The photo above is the River Murray at Goolwa, South Australia.  The River Murray discharges into the sea at Goolwa.

Margaret turned 69 on 29 March 2019 and I attended my final cardiac rehabilitation lecture two days earlier on Tuesday 26 March.

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Superficially, our life together was trouble free, but there were signs that in reality, things were not what they seemed.  Looking back, it is obvious to me that we had definitely begun “circling the drain”.  Our spiral towards death had certainly begun by early 2019.

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Although my heart was now operating perfectly, I still struggled whenever I walked uphill.  This was a big issue when I walked at Morialta where there are mountains.  Something else was clearly wrong with my body quite apart from the heart which had needed such urgent repairs.

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I began to have increasingly severe sneezing attacks as I struggled my way up and down the mountains at Morialta.  At first, the sneezing attacks were what I called moderate.  I would start sneezing violently and then reel off about 30 violent sneezes - one straight after the other.  There would then usually be a short break in the sneezes before I had a second or third sneeze attack, each also involving about 30 sneezes in a row.  Once the series of two or three sneeze attacks had finished, I would then usually be free of further sneeze attacks until after I got home.

Worryingly, the stitch line from the Chain Saw operation began to fray.  I could physically see how the constant sneezing was starting to tear one side of the stich line away from the other side.

I assumed that the sneezing was caused by the stress of what I had been through and that the sneezing would settle down as time went by,

I was wrong.  

The sneezing never settled down.  The sneezing steadily got worse and the stress on the stitch line down my chest became steadily harder to ignore.  If the sneezing continued like this, the whole stitch line was likely to disintegrate.  The situation was worrying but I hid my concerns from Margaret.  She had worried about me enough.

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We drove from Adelaide to Port Lincoln on Tuesday 30 April 2019.  Ann Ryan and Sue Chapman went with us.  We returned on Friday 3 May.  It was a very enjoyable time, interrupted frequently by my sneezing.

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The photo above is of Margaret and me on 25 April 2019.  Before a year had passed, Margaret had become unrecognisable from the woman who posed for this photo.

Ann Ryan returned to Ireland on Friday 17 May 2019.  We drove her to the airport.  We knew we would see her agin soon when we visited Ireland later in 2019.

 

105 – Staying Alive, Part 5: 24 November 2024

I walked my full perimeter circuits at Morialta on Sunday 27 January 2019 and I maintained my perimeter circuit every Sunday morning after then.  The time I needed to complete my perimeter circuits gradually became less and by the middle of 2019, I was again doing the circuit in 3 hours 45 minutes.

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Photo above is of the creek at Morialta on 2 October 2016.  The rainfall had been unusually heavy just before this photo was taken.

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Adelaide and suburbs as seen from high up the mountains in Morialta.  

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After my discharge from hospital, I had to take doses of a medication called Warfarin.  Warfarin is – quite literally – a major component of poisons used to make rat killer baits.  Warfarin is a potent poison but it is also a powerful medicinal blood thinner. 

Warfarin is a standard, essential medication for patients who have had open heart surgery, but because it is so powerful, its effects must be closely monitored.

While I was in hospital my blood samples were taken daily and tested very quickly to ensure that I was not being poisoned by the Warfarin.  Once I got home, my Warfarin dosage was 8 milligrams per day and the GP came every day to take a blood sample. It was not until February 2019 that it was thought safe for me to be taken completely off the Warfarin and given alternative mediations which were not quite so dangerous in their possible side effects.

I had so many blood samples taken over the period of my hospitalisation and recovery at home, that I became completely accustomed to having needles stuck into my body and blood taken into a test tube.  The more experienced blood takers were usually able to get the blood on their first attempt.  Less experienced blood takers often had trouble getting the needle into the vein and it was not unusual for them to then begin to panic – which always made it more difficult for them to get the needle into the vein.

I was always able to be completely relaxed about blood taking.  It was an essential part of my recovery and the process always went more smoothly f I simply relaxed and let the blood takers take the blood as easily as possible.

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I participated in a Cardiac Rehabilitation program at Ashford Hospital on these dates.

·         Tuesday 9 January 2019;

·         Tuesday 15 January 2019;

·         Tuesday 22 January 2019;;

·         Tuesday 29 January 2019;

·         Tuesday 5 February 2019; and

·         Tuesday 12 February 2019.

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Before I started the rehabilitation program, I had to fill out a questionnaire about my health.  This is the questionnaire and my answers.

During eh past month, have you often been bothered by feeling down, depressed or hopeless?	No
During the past months, have you often been bothered by little interest or pleasure in doing things?	No

	Not at all (0)	Several days (1)	More than half the days (32)	Nearly every day (3)
Little interest or pleasure in doing things	X
Feeling down, depressed or hopeless	X
Trouble falling or staying asleep, or sleeping too much	X
Feeling tired or having little energy	X
Poor appetite or overeating	X
Feeling bad about yourself – or that you are a failure or have let yourself or your family down	X
Trouble concentrating on things, such as reading the newspaper or watching television	X
Moving or speaking so slowly that other people could have noticed.  Or the opposite – being so fidgety or restless that you have been moving around a lot more than usual.	X
Thought that you would be better off dead, or hurting yourself	X
If you checked off any problems, how difficult have these problems made it for you to do your work, take care of things at home, or get along with other people	Blank	Blank	Blank	Blank

I truthfully answered all questions on the questionnaire.  My recovery was indeed remarkable – probably because I had complete trust in Margaret’s love, in my treating doctors and because I was totally determined to recover as quickly as I could force my body to do it.

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The rehabilitation program consisted of an initial measurement of how many times we were able to walk a measured distance of 30 metres in a period of three minutes.  My score on the first day when we did this test was neither good nor bad.  I was average in the distance I could walk in the allocated time,

After this initial assessment of how far we could walk in a measured time, each day followed the same pattern.

We started at 9.15 am and did supervised exercise until 10.30.  Then there was a 15 minute break and the final hour consisted of educational sessions by trained professionals on topics that were directly relevant to us as cardiac patients.  Topics covered in the talks were:

·         The importance of diet and healthy eating;

·         What the heart does and heart diseases;

·         Cardiovascular disease in Australia;

·         Cardiac medications; and

·         Cardiovascular medicines.

On the final day of the rehabilitation program, a final measurement was taken of how many 30 metre laps we could do in the set period of time.  When this finished, I was told that I had done far more laps than anyone had ever done before.  I was thrilled.

I was on the way back to good health.

 

104 – Staying Alive, Part 4: 23 November 2024

I was discharged from Griffith Rehabilitation Hospital on Monday 11 December 2018.  By that stage I was bored by being stuck in hospital for weeks on end.  The Nursing Discharge Summary given to me when Margaret took me home said this about my progress.

Past Medical History Hypertension, GORD Stomach Ulcer, Mitral Reguration [sic, probably regurgitation] Coronary Artery Disease Admission Progress Mr Hankin is an alert and oriented 69 year old.  Admitted 30/11/18 from Ashford Hospital following a coronary artery bypass with valve repair 20/11/18.  He has attended physiotherapy and occupational as part of his rehabilitation programme.  Mt Hankin has improved his endurance and is keen to discharge home on 11/12/18 Observations Vital signs range this admission afebrile pulse 58-70 Blood pressure 100/50 – 150/75 Function at Discharge Mr Hankin is currently independent with showering standing.  He is independent with dressing and toileting unaided.  Nil equipment needed for discharge’ Mr Hankin’s wife will manage the domestic tasks.  No concerns discharge home. Clinical Management INR test attended 11/12/18 before discharge and results will be forwarded to GP Arrange with your GP date of next INR Please ring GP in the afternoon of discharge for INR result and warfarin dose (record details in your warfarin book) Hygiene Care Plan 2: independent with self care/ standing to shower Mobility Care Plan 3: Independent with transfers.  Walking with nil aids Wound Care Care Plan 4: sternal incision – dry with small scabs – nil dressing required.  Left leg incision x groin to knee – dry with small scabs nil dressings required

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On Sunday 16 December, Anne Ryan drove me to Morialta and I walked from Stradbroke Road to First Falls.  The distance is about 2 kilometres (1 ¼ miles) and the road slopes uphill, although it is not a steep slope.  I noticed the slope only because I was still recovering from the heart operation.  This walk took me about one hour.

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The photo above shows First Falls at Morialta as it was on Sunday 6 August 2023.  On that date, Margaret was still waiting for a bed to become available in Griffith Rehabilitation Hospital.  The cat scans had revealed that she was no longer dying because the cancer had completely disappeared.

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I walked to First Falls at Morialta yet again on Sunday 23 December 2018.  Although I found it difficult to do these walks, I was satisfied that I had the stamina to try something more difficult.

On Sunday 30 December 2018, I tackled the steep path that leads to a lookout platform immediately above First Falls.

 

This is a photo of the First Falls lookout as seen from First Falls below the lookout.  The lookout platform can be seen in the middle of the photo to the left of the cliff where the ground drops steeply.

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I repeated the walk to the lookout platform on Sunday 6 January 2019 and by then I was anxious to test whether I still had the endurance to walk the perimeter of the park.  

Before the operation I used to walk the perimeter every Sunday and it usually took me about 3 hours 45 minutes to complete.  This was the walk that had worried the anaesthetist before I had the Chain Saw operation when I asked if it was okay for me to do it.  The anaesthetist knew in detail the terrain I wanted to walk through and banned me from attempting it.

This time, I didn’t ask the anaesthetist.  I reasoned my heart had been repaired so there was no need.  I made some reluctant friends walk the perimeter with me on 6 January.  I managed to walk the complete perimeter, but it took me 4 hours and 45 minutes and I was completely exhausted by the time I had finished.

Satisfied that I still had the endurance to walk in the more rigged part of the park, I decided I would give myself a rest for the next two weeks.  Instead of tackling the perimeter walk – and frightening my friends – I merely walked to the lookout platform above First Falls on Sunday 13 and Sunday 20 January 2019.

By the time Sunday 27 January came around, I decided I was fit enough to resume normal walking and resumed my perimeter walks.  Within two weeks, my friends had exhausted their stamina and I walked alone on several occasions.  Obviously, I did not tell Margaret I was sometimes walking on my own.  I did not want her to worry any more than she already was.

Even for people who have not had open heart surgery, walking in Morialta in December, January and February can be dangerous.  Apart from the danger of falling on the very rough tracks, these months are the hot South Australian summer months.  Temperatures can get dangerously high and snakes are quite active in the hot weather.  The bite of most Australian snakes will usually kill you unless you get anti snake venom quickly – and the chances of getting anti snake venom in the middle of Morialta are vanishingly small.  I always thump my boots down as hard as I can on the ground to warn the snakes I am there.  Snakes will usually get out of the way if they know someone is coming.

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Apart from the scar left by the line of stitches down the middle of my chest, I managed to recover from the Chain Saw operation within a few short months.

I had no way of knowing that the Chain Saw operation was merely the beginning of a drawn out struggle for me to stay alive