137 – Circling the Drain, Part 4: 4 January 2025

Margaret often talked about her beautiful patient Sara.  Sara’s life was cut far too short by cancer.  I found this newspaper cutting amongst a handful of Margaret’s things just before I wrote this Blog.  Margaret has written “80s” on the right hand side at the top of the cutting.

Sara and Margaret both look so beautiful.

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This is another photo of me (far right) taken at First Falls Morialta on Sunday 17 July 2022.  The rain in the Park that day was very heavy and I got soaked.  By then, although I felt it was unlikely I would die in the near future, Margaret’s life was once again about to be threatened by her cancer.

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In May 2021, my life hung by a slender thread.  I was admitted to hospital on Friday 30 April 2-21.  I felt ghastly in the morning that day and I rang Dr Aiyapan’s rooms seeking urgent help.  I knew I was going down and it was unlikely I would ever be able to get back up.

Dr Aiyappan arranged for me to be urgently admitted to hospital.

That first period of hospitalisation lasted from Friday 30 April to the morning of Friday 7 May 2021.

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I updated my diary of symptoms very shortly after I got home on 7 May.  This is my diary of symptoms for Saturday 1 May to Tuesday 4 May 2021

Symptom	Saturday 1 May 2021	Sunday 2 May 2021	Monday 3 May 2021	Tuesday 4 May 2021
Asthma	Asthma controlled by medication while in hospital	Asthma controlled by medication while in hospital	Increasingly severe asthma attack from 7:30 pm onwards; required additional medication to control the asthma; attack continued until about 9:00 am Tuesday 4 May 2021	Continuation of asthma attack from previous night until about 9:00 am; eventually controlled by medication; Further asthma attack at 8:25 pm – not quite as severe as previous evening and controlled by medication before midnight; put on oxygen all night to help with breathing
Persistent Cough	Coughing controlled by medication while in hospital	Coughing controlled by medication while in hospital	Severe coughing attack from 7:30 pm onwards; required additional medication to control the coughing; attack continued until about 9:00 am Tuesday 4 May 2021	Continuation of coughing attack from previous night until about 9:00 am; eventually controlled by medication;
Reflux	No change	No change	No change	No change
Sinus/ Hay Fever	Sneeze attacks and nasal discharge controlled by medication while in hospital	Sneeze attacks and nasal discharge controlled by medication while in hospital	Severe sneezing attack with severe nasal discharge from 7:30 pm onwards; required additional medication to control the sneezing and discharge attack continued until about 9:00 am Tuesday 4 May 2021	Sneezing and nasal discharge from about 8:25 pm – not as severe as previous evening
Sleep Disorders	Slept in hospital after given sleeping pill	Slept in hospital after given sleeping pill	Terrible night’s sleep even though administered sleeping medication	Sleep possible only because of sleeping medication, extra cough medication and supply of oxygen to help breathing
Gluten Intolerance	Avoided food with gluten	Avoided food with gluten	Ate 2 biscuits with wheat – bad results as detailed	Avoided food with gluten
Lots of Bloating and Flatulence	Bloating controlled by medication while in hospital	Bloating controlled by medication while in hospital	Severe bloating from 7:30 pm onwards; not controlled by medication; bloating continued until about 9:00 am Tuesday 4 May 2021	Continuation of bloating from previous night until about 9:00 am; eventually went away. Bloating returned at about 8:25 pm but not as severe as previous evening; gone by 7:30 am on Wednesday 5 May 2021
Hiccups	Hiccups controlled by medication while in hospital	Hiccups controlled by medication while in hospital	Severe hiccupping all night	Hiccups controlled by medication while in hospital
Optical Migraines	Nil	Nil	Nil	Optical migraine at 8:30 am
Loss of Sense of Smell	Unable to smell since mid December 2020	Unable to smell since mid December 2020	Unable to smell since mid December 2020	Unable to smell since mid December 2020
Miscellaneous	(1) Able to eat while in hospital (2) Airways closing down whenever I speak to anyone	(1) Able to eat while in hospital (2) Airways closing down whenever I speak to anyone (3) Very hard night	(1) Able to eat while in hospital (2) Airways closing down whenever I speak to anyone (3) Very hard night	(1) Unable to eat breakfast while in hospital (2) Airways closing down whenever I speak to anyone (3) Hard night but not as bad as Monday night

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My circling of the Death Drain nearly became terminal nearly unstoppable on Tuesday 4 May.  I remember I was in my room when my airways began to completely close down at about 11.30 pm.  I began Perimeter Prowling around the inside of my tiny hospital room.  I did not press the nurse call bell.  My actions were automatic.  My breathing was about to stop so I immediately started the strategies I used when this happened at home.  

I was in a hospital and I did not have the sense to press the nurse call bell.

I was walking circuit number three when the night duty nurse knocked and entered the room.  She felt something was wrong, so she entered to check on me.

I cannot even remember the name of this wonderful nurse who saved my life that night.

She immediately placed me on oxygen to help me with the breathing and tried to get approval from the doctor on duty to give me stronger pain relief than Panadol.  Without examining me or coming to see me at all, the doctor refused to allow anything other than Panadol.  My hero nurse then gave me up intravenous Panadol.  I was in extreme agony, but eventually the intravenous Panadol dulled the pain.

I survived that night because of the compassion and skill of someone I had never met before, someone I have never met since.

Thank you to every one of the multitude of carers who remain unknown but without whom our community would collapse.

 

136 – Circling the Drain, Part 3: 3 January 2025

I love walking and I love walking in Morialta Park.  This is me at First Falls Morialta on Sunday 5 June 2022.  The rain had been pouring down.  By this date, I was confident that I would not die in the near future and I had been able to resume my Park walks.

In April 2021, it was agony to walk anywhere.  My normal walks in Morialta were impossible and my imminent death seemed very close.  I continued to live because I refused to leave Margaret to deal with her cancer on her own.  She needed me so I refused to die.

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My health throughout April 2021 continued its steady and seemingly irreversible decline.

My weight continued its descent towards oblivion.  This Table summarises my weight loss in April.

April 2021
2 April 2021	76.3 kilograms
9 April 2021	76.8 kilograms
16 April 2021	75.6 kilograms
23 April 2021	74.8 kilograms
30 April 2021	73.2 kilograms

* 73.2 kilograms = 11 stone, 7 pounds, 7 ounces or 161 pounds, 7 ounces

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As my weight continued to plummet, my ability to do normal exercise became increasingly limited.  This Table identifies how my illness reduced my exercise program in April.

April 2021
Date	Scheduled Exercise	Actual Exercise
Sunday 4 April	3 ½ hours at Morialta	1 ½ hours at Morialta
Monday 12 April	1 hour walking at home, plus 30 minutes yoga	1 hour walking at home; yoga nil
Friday 16 April	1 hour walking at home, plus 30 minutes yoga	Nil
Sunday 18 April	3 ½ hours at Morialta	1 ½ hours at Morialta
Monday 19 April	1 hour walking at home, plus 30 minutes yoga	No genuine exercise, only 30 minutes “Perimeter Prowling” at home to suppress coughing
Tuesday 20 April	1 hour walking at home, plus 30 minutes yoga	1 hour walking at home; yoga nil
Friday 23 April	1 hour walking at home, plus 30 minutes yoga	No genuine exercise, only 30 minutes “Perimeter Prowling” at home to suppress coughing
Sunday 25 April	3 ½ hours at Morialta	1 ½ hours at Morialta
Tuesday 27 April	1 hour walking at home, plus 30 minutes yoga	No genuine exercise, only 30 minutes “Perimeter Prowling” at home to suppress coughing
Wednesday 28 April	1 ½ hours yoga in studio	1 ½ hours yoga in studio plus 30 minutes “Perimeter Prowling” at home to suppress coughing
Thursday 29 April	1 hour walking at home, plus 30 minutes yoga	No genuine exercise, only 30 minutes “Perimeter Prowling” at home to suppress coughing
Friday 30 April	1 hour walking at home, plus 30 minutes yoga	No exercise at all – admitted to hospital

 

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I kept losing weight because the bloating of my stomach made it nearly impossible to eat.

This Table identifies specific meals I was unable to eat during April 2021.

Date	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Thursday 1 April		1 orange	Nil
Saturday 3 April		1 apple	4 gluten free crisps with goat cheese
Sunday 4 April		2 small apples with bowl gluten free ice cream
Monday 5 April		Bowl gluten free ice cream
Tuesday 6 April		2 apples
Sunday 11 April		1 apple and 1 orange
Monday 12 April		Nil
Thursday 15 April		Energy bar	Nil
Friday 16 April			1 corn on the cob
Saturday 17 April		Nil
Sunday 18 April		Nil
Monday 19 April		Bowl gluten free ice cream
Friday 23 April		Nil
Saturday 24 April		2 apples	Nil
Wednesday 28 April			Nil
Thursday 29 April		Nil
Friday 30 April		Not recorded, in hospital	Not recorded, in hospital

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This is a copy of my diary of symptoms for 28 and 30 April.  I was admitted to hospital in the morning on Friday 30 April 2021.  The hospital admission certainly saved my life.  Unfortunately, it did not provide me with a permanent cure for my symptoms.

 

Symptom	Wednesday 28 April 2021	Friday 30 April 2021
Asthma	Moderate breath shortage from 1:00 am until 3:00 am; easier breathing from 7:00 am onwards; extreme breath shortage from 12:30 to 5:00 pm; only slight relief from Ventolin and deep breathing; severe breathing difficulty still present at 9:00 pm	Severe breath shortage at 6:00 am – Ventolin and deep breathing; only moderate breath shortage by 9:00 am; Asthma controlled by medication after admission to hospital
Persistent Cough	Severe coughing from 1:00 am to 3:00 am requiring “perimeter prowling” for 30 minutes; moderate to severe coughing from 7:00 am to 9:00 am suppressed by mixture; moderate coughing in afternoon and evening suppressed only by mixture	My wife Margaret reports I has a severe and extended coughing attack from 1:00 am onwards; Margaret thought the coughing would certainly wake me up, but I slept through the coughing; moderate coughing at 6:00 am Coughing controlled by medication after admission to hospital
Reflux	No change	No change
Sinus/ Hay Fever	Constant nasal discharge from 1:00 am to 3:00 am; constant nasal discharge from 12:30 pm to 3:30 pm	No sneeze attacks or nasal discharge from 6:00 am until 9:00 am. Sneezing and nasal discharge controlled by medication after admission to hospital
Sleep Disorders	Napped on sofa from 10:00 pm to 12:30 am Thursday; woken by severe coughing; had to do “perimeter prowling” from 2:30 am to 3:00 am; napped on sofa from 3:30 am to 7:00 am;	Slept in hospital after given sleeping pill
Gluten Intolerance	Avoided food with gluten	Avoided food with gluten
Lots of Bloating and Flatulence	Mild bloat in morning; severe bloat from 1:00 pm onwards; still there at 9:00 pm	Moderate bloat from 6:00 am onwards; ability to eat food and drink coffee very acute. Bloating controlled by medication after admission to hospital
Hiccups		No hiccups in morning between 6:00 am and 9:00 am Hiccups controlled by medication after admission to hospital
Optical Migraines	Nil	Optical migraine at 6:00 am
Sense of Smell	Unable to smell since mid December 2020	Unable to smell since mid December 2020
Miscellaneous		(1) Slept from 10:30 pm to 5:50 am Friday – but only because of strong sleeping pill (see note re coughing) (2) Able to eat only reduced breakfast of 2 slices of dry toast with 1 mug of coffee (3) Able to eat after admission to hospital

 

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By the end of April 2021, my circling of the Death Drain had drawn me very close to the drain exit.  While Margaret seemingly had been granted a reprieve from her terminal cancer, I was now on Death Row.

I could think of no solution apart from refusing to die, so I adamantly refused to die.