Wednesday, April 30, 2025

238 A Resurrection Story – Dying the Hard Way, Part 9 - 30 April 2025









I took this photo of a tree in full blossom on 14 July 2023 even though Adelaide was still caught in the grip of an icy winter.  I told myself that surely Margaret could have a miracle recovery if the tree could flower in such bitterly cold weather.

I received my miracle, but like the flowers on this tree, my personal miracle was short lived.

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Blog 237 finished with extracts from my diary entries for Wednesday the 12th of July 2023.  This Blog continues my diary entries from the point where Blog 237 finished.  

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Wednesday 12 July 2023

Blog 237’s diary entry finishes this way.

[Mary Potter Hospice is physically located in the part of Calvary Hospital where Saint Helen’s Ward was once located.  Saint Helen’s Ward opened in 1971 and Margaret was the very first charge nurse in the ward.  Marg thinks everything about Mary Potter is appropriate.  She was born in Calvary, she trained in Calvary, she was the first charge nurse in Saint Helen’s Ward and now she will die in Calvary in what was Saint Helen’s Ward.]

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Wednesday 12 July 2023

The diary entry for Wednesday 12 July 2023 continues.

This house feels lonely already and she is not yet dead.

I left home to visit Marg again at 6.00 pm.  She is in very good spirits.  When I arrived she was in the wheelchair outside Mary Potter smoking a cigarette with Maurine and Ryan who works at Calvary.  She eventually agreed to migrate back into her room where the nurses used their contraptions to get her safely back into bed.  Jameson and Charli arrived at about 8.30.  The talk was good natured and Margaret did not ever lose her good natured edge.  By 9.30 I was completely exhausted and I drove home, arriving at 10.00 pm.  We have still received no information from the doctors about the progress of the cancer.

Thursday 13 July 2023

I go to bed at about 11.45 and sleep solidly until 6.45 on Thursday 13 July.  As I get up, I receive a text from Marg saying she has just woken up.  She tells me she has slept all night from about 11.45 and that because her body didn’t move during the night, some pain has returned.  Her nurse this morning is Rachel who comes from Naas where we got married.  I ring Marg after my shower and promise to arrive around 10.00 am.  I promise to bring in another copy of the Advance Care Directive.  I copy the Directive, collect the other oddments Marg wants me to bring and I leave at 9.45.

I stay with Marg until 4.05 and then go home.  Heather and Sue came at 1.00 pm while I was having coffee and a sandwich with Carmine.  When I return to Margaret’s room at 2.00, she is in process of going to the toilet so I walk around the block with Carmine.  When we get back, Steve and Voula from Riverland Fruit and Vegetables are visiting.  When the visitors have left, Marg is exhausted and the pain levels are starting to creep back up.  She says the pain is mostly from her legs and the ulcers on her left leg.  This morning when nurse Rachel was changing the bandages, I commented that the left leg looked better than it had done.  Rachel said she was not happy but did not elaborate.  Marg has spoken to the doctor in the hospice and he has promised to contact Dr Bishnoi but otherwise appeared not to know any details about the progress of the disease.

I promise to return to Mary Potter at about 7.00 pm.

When I get home at 4.40, I meditate for an hour and then put my dinner in the oven to heat up.

I leave for my return trip to Mary Potter just after 7.00 pm and arrive in time to wheel Marg outside for some cigarettes.  Jim Redden arrives while we are still outside.  I wheel Marg back indoors when she decides it is too cold to stay outside any longer.  We chat in her room until Jim leaves at 9.20; I leave five minutes later.  While in Marg’s room she asks the nurse to top up her pain control.  When I leave, Marg is still in the wheelchair and I get home at 9.55.  It is 10.05 as I write these words.  

Friday 14 July 2023

I sleep at 10.30 and wake at 6.15 am on Friday 14 July.  I receive no contact from Marg so I ring her at 8.30 after breakfast.  She has had broken sleep from pain and is anxious for my visit.  I promise to come as soon as I have showered and gone to supermarket to do some shopping.  It is now 8.55.

It is 9.55; I have done the shopping and I am leaving for Mary Potter.

I am home again at 3.00 and will return later this evening.  Marg’s pain relief did not work properly during the evening and it was recalibrated this morning.  It is now working properly again.  Visit from Cath Keough this afternoon just before I left.  Chatted with Cath outside the hospital.  I will now change and do walk.

Margaret rings me at 3.33 while I am walking.  The Calvary doctor has spoken to Dr Bishnoi.  The cancer should be stable and what Margaret has been going through are probably result of side effects of the cancer treatment.  The cancer may NOT have spread.  Dr Bishnoi will visit Margaret in Mary Potter later today once he has finished attending to his other patients, but is unable to say when he might arrive.  I tell Margaret I will return home and return to Mary Potter immediately.  It is 4.06 as I type this entry.  I am about to return to Mary Potter.  Will Margaret perhaps be able to recover and come home?


Tuesday, April 29, 2025

237 A Resurrection Story – Dying the Hard Way, Part 8 - 29 April 2025




Margaret was very obviously at the very edge of death when she was ambulanced from the RAH to Mary Potter.  She had her wonderful quilt spread out on her bed when I arrived to see her shortly after the transfer from RAH to Mary Potter.  

She always made a special effort to pretend to be in better shape than she really was whenever she knew I was around.  She was not aware I was in the room when I took this photo.

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Blog 236 finished with extracts from my diary entries for Tuesday 11 July 2023.  This Blog continues my diary entries from the point where Blog 236 finished.  

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Tuesday 11 July 2023

Blog 236’s diary entry finishes this way.

[I woke up at 5.50 am on Tuesday 11 July 2023.  Today is our 25th anniversary.  I have had breakfast and now I will pack a small bag of supplies to get me through the next few days at the hospital until Margaret dies.  I will not leave her until she leaves me.  We have already exchanged a few texts.

I packed a small bag with essentials such as toiletries and left for my ENT appointment.  After a check, a fresh appointment was made for October to have my polyps removed.  I then returned to Margaret at the RAH.]

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Tuesday 11 July 2023

The diary entry for Tuesday 11 July 2023 continues.

She was in much better shape today – the pain was controlled by sub cutaneous oxycodone.  I stayed with her until I left to return home and I got home at 8.50 pm.  At 5.00 pm Margaret was told that she will be transferred tomorrow to Mary Potter Hospice in the grounds of Calvary Hospital, North Adelaide.  The ambulance is scheduled to do the transfer at 9.00 am tomorrow Wednesday 12 July.  Once she received the news about Mary Potter, Margaret’s spirits improved noticeably.  She was born in Calvary, trained as a nurse in Calvary and stayed in the nurses’ quarters at Calvary while training.  Mary Potter is located in the building which was once the accommodation for the senior nurses.  Margaret wondered if she would return to her old room at Calvary.

The news about Mary Potter visibly lifted her spirits and Margaret insisted that I should go home.  She now felt she would be able to sleep and she started yawning while I was there.  I returned home via Cheryl’s place.  Margaret told me Cheryl had cooked a casserole for me.  I picked up the casserole and had it for dinner; delicious.  It is now 9.38 pm.

I was in bed by 10.30 on Tuesday 11 July.

Wednesday 12 July 2023

I woke at 6.15 am on Wednesday 12 July 2023, lying in bed for 30 minutes enjoying the ability to just lie there without having to move.  I got myself up at 6.45 and Marg sent me a text almost as soon as I was up.  She had slept for at least five hours and the pain was still under control.  The move to Mary Potter Hospice was still on schedule.  She will ring me after she has arrived at Mary Potter and become “orientated” and I will then visit her at Mary Potter.  It is now 9.27 am.

Marg rings just after 11.00 to say she has arrived at Mary Potter.  I get there about 30 minutes later.  The physiotherapist arrived at the same time as me.  Her aim was to enable Marg to get into a wheelchair so I could wheel her outside so she can have a cigarette.  Marg has great trouble getting up and into the wheelchair.  When we get back, Marg’s nurse produces a device to help her get upright from the wheelchair and then down back onto the bed.  This process is much faster and completely pain free.  The staff are simply wonderful.  Marg has been given a gift of a hand made rug with wonderful patterns on it.  I am told the hospice volunteers make them.  I am told that I will be given one main meal every day.  After the cigarette, I spend an hour filling out the mountain of paperwork required for this final hospital admission.  Once I finish the mountain, I take Marg out for another cigarette.  After three cigarettes Marg says I should go home early so I can return later this evening with more supplies for her (not cigarettes).

While at Mary Potter, I sent messages to let friends know where Margaret is now located.  I sent this text to Heather at 2.27 pm.

Margaret is now in Room 153 Mary Potter Hospice, Strangways Terrace, North Adelaide.  As you look at the main entrance to Calvary Hospital North Adelaide, the entrance to Mary Potter is on your right – just a few metres from Calvary main entrance.  The staff here are wonderful.  Margaret's pain is under control now and that makes a huge difference to her enjoyment of life.

Heather’s blocking of my phone number was still lifted as the time of that text.  The block was reinstated a few days later.  At 2.31 pm Heather sent me this text.

Thanks.  Can we take flowers in?

I replied at 2.35 as I returned to my car to go home for a short period.  My reply said this.

I think yes but not certain.

I arrive home by 3.10 and go for my walk – the first walk in days.  I then do more updates for friends on Margaret’s health and current location.  It is 4.45 as I type this entry.  I will aim to return to Mary Potter by about 7.00 pm.

Mary Potter Hospice is physically located in the part of Calvary Hospital where Saint Helen’s Ward was once located.  Saint Helen’s Ward opened in 1971 and Margaret was the very first charge nurse in the ward.  Marg thinks everything about Mary Potter is appropriate.  She was born in Calvary, she trained in Calvary, she was the first charge nurse in Saint Helen’s Ward and now she will die in Calvary in what was Saint Helen’s Ward.


Monday, April 28, 2025

Blog No. 236 A Resurrection Story – Dying the Hard Way, Part 7 - 28 April 2025

 




Margaret was never able to walk while she was in Mary Potter, but she did get more skilful in manoeuvring her wheelchair.   

The staff at Mary Potter were the kindest people I have ever met in my life – so much kinder than the people Margaret still called her friends.

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Blog 235 finished with extracts from my diary entries for Sunday 9 July 2023.  This Blog continues my diary entries from the point where Blog 235 finished.  

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Sunday 9 July 2023

Blog 235’s diary entry finishes this way.

[Marg was very reluctant for me to go home, so I stayed until 9.10 pm.  I only went home then because she insisted I should.  I offered to stay all night and sleep on the sofa in her room but she refused to let me do this.  She was calm when I left but I have an uneasy feeling.  Was this our final evening together?

It is 10.38 pm on Sunday as I write this..]

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Monday 10 July 2023

The diary entry for Monday 10 July 2023 continues.

I slept from 11.00 pm on Sunday to 5.00 am on Monday 10 July.  Margaret rang while I was making breakfast and asked that I come in and be with her.  I hurriedly ate breakfast, didn’t stop to have a shower and drove to the hospital, arriving at 6.45 am.  Margaret was frightened – although she denied this was so.  It was still not clear what medical prognosis had been made.  The hospital cancer consultant visited at about 9.30 and discussed options for palliative care.  He promised to initiate the necessary steps to find out what hospital palliative care places were available.

Margaret was still too scared to permit me to go home so I stayed, promising to stay all day and all night if this was needed.  In Margaret’s presence I placed a call to Lift Cancer Care and advised Margaret could not attend her next appointment, that she was in hospital and that we were hoping to find appropriate palliative care/ hospice care.  Lauren Whiting rang me shortly after this and expressed her great sorrow at this development.

From about 12.30 pm Margaret’s pain began increasing rapidly.  If she had not been as stoic as she is, she would certainly have been screaming.  The pre-ordered pain relief did nothing to ease her pain and the nurse arranged for a doctor to come.  The doctor prescribed Fentanyl.  For ages after the Fentanyl administration, Margaret kept sobbing; it made no difference.  At about 1.30, the pain relief started to have an effect.  While this was going on, I could do nothing except hold her hands and reassure her I was there and would not leave her.  By about 2.00 pm she was finally no longer in the acute agonising pain.  The pain seemed to come from the ulcers on her legs.

I dozed for an hour on the sofa in the room.  Margaret was unable to eat breakfast or lunch.

The hospital Palliative Care doctor visited at about 4.00 pm.  He too was lovely.  He closely questioned Margaret about her wishes and physical needs.  He closely questioned me about my understanding of Margaret’s wishes and needs.  Margaret made clear that she would like if possible to go to Mary Potter Hospice at Calvary Hospital, North Adelaide.  The doctor promised to try and arrange this as soon as possible while making clear that he was unable to make any guaranteed promises.  Until such time as a hospice bed became available, Margaret would remain as a patient at Royal Adelaide Hospital.  Cheryl and Maurine arrived while the palliative care consultant was visiting.  They stayed until 5.30 pm.  Margaret was still unable to cope with being alone in the hospital room, so I stayed.

At 6.40 pm, Jameson and Charli arrived and Margaret finally told me she would be okay if I went home.  I got home at 6.55 pm totally exhausted.  It is 7.31 pm as I write these words.  I have an appointment with Dr Pant tomorrow at 10.30 when she will try and restore my sense of smell by again removing polyps.

I see significance in the failure of the doctors to refer in any way to the progress of the cancer, especially when coupled with their ready acceptance of the need for Margaret to have palliative care/ hospice care.  They would have told us if we had asked direct questions, but in the absence of direct questions they preferred not to devastate us with their findings on progress of the cancer.

Tomorrow after I have seen Dr Pant I will take a small bag with fresh clothing and toiletries and stay with her until this process has reached its end.  I doubt it will be long.

Tuesday 11 July 2023

I woke up at 5.50 am on Tuesday 11 July 2023.  Today is our 25th anniversary.  I have had breakfast and now I will pack a small bag of supplies to get me through the next few days at the hospital until Margaret dies.  I will not leave her until she leaves me.  We have already exchanged a few texts.

I packed a small bag with essentials such as toiletries and left for my ENT appointment.  After a check, a fresh appointment was made for October to have my polyps removed.  I then returned to Margaret at the RAH.


Sunday, April 27, 2025

Blog No. 235 A Resurrection Story – Dying the Hard Way, Part 6 - 27 April 2025







I took this photo of Margaret in her hospital room when she was dying at Mary Potter.  Even though I knew in my heart that I was losing her, I never stopped hoping Margaret would have a miracle cure – and for a few days, I thought my miracles had come true.

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Blog 234 finished with extracts from my diary entries for Saturday 8 July 2023.  This Blog continues my diary entries from the point where Blog 234 finished.  

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Saturday 8 July 2023

Blog 234’s diary entry finishes this way.

[Marg is asleep when I arrive.  I take a photo and do crosswords until she wakes.  When she wakes, Marg is slow of speech but logical and rational.  She is on a regime of pain control relief on demand – and even with this, she is still in remarkable pain.  As she talks, her eyes close and she ceases talking for up to 30 seconds – and then resumes taking at exactly where she left off.  I am depressed and take the tram home at 4.10 pm.  I spend the evening updating friends on developments in Margaret’s health.  I feel very flat and tears well up constantly.  It is now 9.48 and I am going to bed alone..]

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Sunday 9 July 2023

The diary entry for Sunday 9 July 2023 continues.

The phone rings at 2.46 am on Sunday 9 July.  I struggle out of a deep sleep.  It is Margaret.  She is confused and thinks it is time for me to get up for my Morialta walk.  She wanted to help me get up.  I gently tell her the time and that I am getting up later than usual today because I am not going to try and do my usual walk.  We chat for 4 minutes and I assure her I will visit as soon as I have finished the walk.

I struggle awake again when the alarm goes off at 6.30 am.  I do not want to get out of bed but I am now awake and further sleep is not possible.  I drive to Morialta in the pouring rain, arriving at 7.27 and walk to First Falls.  It is 7.57 when I get to First Falls.  After taking a photo, I start back towards the car.  Phone reception at Morialta is bad, but by some fluke my phone rings at 8.00 just after I have started the return journey.  It is Margaret asking why I am not in the hospital.  Somehow she thought I would be there at 8.00.  Because the reception is bad, I promise to ring her back as soon as possible.  When I ring back, Margaret is clearly distressed that I am not there so I promise to get there as soon as possible.  I arrive in her hospital room at about 9.00 am.

Margaret is still somewhat confused but very glad to see me.  I stay until 1.20 pm.  Maurine and Cheryl visit while I am there.  I do not see the treating doctors but it seems Margaret will probably be transferred to a palliative care bed at Western Community Hospital – but only after her condition has been stabilised.  I get home at about 1.30 after promising Margaret that I will return at 6.00.  After getting home I have breakfast, have a shower and meditate for an hour.  It is 5.12 as I type these words and I need to get ready to return to the hospital.

I get back to the hospital by 5.50 pm.  Marg’s visitors have now left and she is composed.  She tells me that Jim came and stayed until about 30 minutes before Andrew, Heather and Sue left.  While Andrew, Heather and Sue were there, they placed a whats app call to Anne Ryan in Ireland.  Anne Ryan told Marg about my text to Heather and Sue sent on 22 November 2022.  According to the three of them, my text frightened them and this is the reason why they had ceased coming to our house.  Heather and Sure – but not Anne – had said they were concerned for my wellbeing.  The whole episode had distressed Marg.  I explained that this version of events was completely untrue.  My text was sent on 22 November – the very day that Marg had her first immunotherapy and at a time when her life was hung in the balance.  At the date of the text, it had been 19 months during which the three of them had refused to come visit Marg in her own home.  I said that my text contained no threats at all and simply begged Heather and Sue to ask me for my side of what had happened with Anne and that they had not replied in any way.  If they stopped coming to our place because of fear generated by my text, why had they refused to visit her at home in the previous 19 months.

Margaret became distressed and I let the matter rest.  It seems to me that at this last possible moment they are trying to spin a story to Marg to try and justify their cancellation of her.  This phone hookup was certainly generated by my text to Heather in the evening of Friday 7 July saying to Heather that she, Sue and Anne had cancelled Margaret and that this was not good behaviour.  They are now trying to create some sort of justification to present to Margaret.  Perhaps they thought I would condemn them to Margaret before Margaret died.  I was annoyed for the hurt that they had inflicted on Margaret at this stage of her battle to live.  Bastards.  I am not impressed by their claims to be concerned for my welfare.  If they had ever had any concerns for my welfare, I would have heard them express this to me in the 2 years and six months since 26 January 2021.  I was shocked and surprised but I suppose I should not have been.  People always try to justify what they have done and seldom acknowledge they have done anything wrong.

Marg was very reluctant for me to go home, so I stayed until 9.10 pm.  I only went home then because she insisted I should.  I offered to stay all night and sleep on the sofa in her room but she refused to let me do this.  She was calm when I left but I have an uneasy feeling.  Was this our final evening together?

It is 10.38 pm on Sunday as I write this..


Friday, April 25, 2025

Blog No. 234 - A Resurrection Story – Dying the Hard Way, Part 5 - 25 April 2025


Margaret wanted so much for her former friend Ann Ryan to cease the cancellation of us both, but the cancellation is still in place.  Margaret knew what her former friend had done and she was deeply hurt by it.

Ann knew Margaret was dying, but never found the time to see Margaret before she died.  Ann never found the time to even come to the funeral.

Ann was in Ireland but could have easily flown back to Australia; she had the money and she had the time.  

My personal invitation to Ann suggesting she should say goodbye to Margaret when I took her ashes to Ireland to scattered on Croagh Patrick never got a reply.  Apart from the presence of kind strangers, I scattered Margaret’s ashes by myself.

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Blog 233 finished with extracts from my diary entries for Friday 7 July 2023.  This Blog continues my diary entries from the point where Blog 233 finished.  

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Friday 7 July 2023

Blog 233’s diary entry finishes this way.

[Then the ambulance crew checked the situation in the public hospital A & Es.  At this point, Queen Elizabeth Hospital has the least wait for getting into A & E, so Margaret agrees she should be taken to QEH.  Margaret is still in extreme pain when she is carefully manoeuvred into the ambulance.  Before moving, the ambulance crew again checks which A & E is currently moving patients more quickly.  The RAH is now the best option, so we go to the RAH.  By this stage it is about 6.00 pm; it is dark and it is raining.  There are eight other ambulances in front of us, waiting to be able to take their patients into A & E.  The ambulance crew senior member goes into A & E to talk to the triage nurse.  When he returns ten minutes later, he has extraordinary news.  The triage nurse has agreed that Margaret should be admitted immediately into A & E.]

RAH = Royal Adelaide Hospital

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Friday 7 July 2023

The diary entry for 7 July 2023 continues.

The staff in A & E are wonderfully attentive, but they are unable to give Margaret anything which eases her pain.  Jameson and Charli come into A & E to be with me and Margaret.  They refuse to go home as the hours slowly pass.  

I eventually replied to Heather at 8.18 pm while Margaret was in the treatment booth in A & E at Royal Adelaide Hospital.  I think that given the circumstances, my reply to Heather was very restrained.  The reply said this.

I sent you a whatsapp message on 25 June saying Margaret’s time was short.  You ignored me.  I will ring tomorrow if you want – when I have an idea how my Margaret is faring.  Sue and Anne Ryan have known Margaret was dying and chose to cancel her because she is married to me.  Not good behaviour.

Heather responded to my text almost immediately.  Her text to me at 8.21 was contradictory in that it denied she used what’s app and then said she had indeed used what’s app “recently”.  This is the text from Heather received at 8.21 pm on Friday 7 July while Margaret was in agony in A & E at Royal Adelaide Hospital and I was holding her hand hoping she would not die.

Sorry not a regular what’s app user.  Have just gone on it recently as my French group is moving to it.


Apart from the obvious contradictions within the message, I knew Heather was lying because she had exchanged messages with me on what’s app in the past – before she cancelled me.  I was not impressed by the lies.

The night shift staff commence duty at 10.00 pm and Marg is still in pain but as yet no hospital bed has been found for her.  At 11.45 we are told a bed has been found in the Cancer Ward for Margaret.  After Margaret has been transferred to her bed in room 4, Wards 6E, the doctor comes to tell us the news.  Margaret’s electrolytes are completely out of whack and if left unchecked, the result will not be good.  In addition, the doctor thinks the cancer may have reactivated and spread into the duodenum, but a cat scan will be needed to confirm this.  

Saturday 8 July 2023

Jameson and Charli and I leave Margaret at about 12.20 am on Saturday 8 July.

When we get to their car, the rain is still thundering down.  They drop me off at home at 12.30 am.  I go to bed at 1.00 am and sleep until 8.00 am – the longest continuous sleep I have had in months.  I have two missed calls from Margaret when I get up.  She says the cat scans did not take place and that the food is rubbish.  A bed is available in Western Community Hospital if she wants it.  I say I prefer that she stay where she is – it is a brand new hospital with a complete suite of medical equipment.

I have breakfast and do a walk for the first time in days.  I leave to visit Marg in the hospital at about 2.05 – immediately after I finish typing this entry.

Marg is asleep when I arrive.  I take a photo and do crosswords until she wakes.  When she wakes, Marg is slow of speech but logical and rational.  She is on a regime of pain control relief on demand – and even with this, she is still in remarkable pain.  As she talks, her eyes close and she ceases talking for up to 30 seconds – and then resumes talking at exactly where she left off.  I am depressed and take the tram home at 4.10 pm.  I spent the evening updating friends on developments in Margaret’s health.  I feel very flat and tears well up constantly.  It is now 9.48 and I am going to bed alone.


Thursday, April 24, 2025

Blog No. 233 - A Resurrection Story – Dying the Hard Way, Part 4 - 24 April 2025

 







Margaret’s legs caused her so much pain.  I took these photos at A & E on Friday 9 June 2023.  There was little that the hospital was able to do about the legs – or about so much else. 

Margaret was dying and her death could not be prevented.

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Blog 232 finished with extracts from my diary entries for Thursday 6 July 2023.  This Blog continues my diary entries from the point where Blog 232 finished.  

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Thursday 6 July 2023

Blog 232’s diary entry finishes this way.

[Marg falls asleep as we try and watch tv. She cannot sit in the sofa but can sit in a kitchen chair.  As exhaustion conquers her, her head slumps forward and she is in danger of falling.  I sit in a separate chair beside her.  I love her and I am losing her.  I must keep going.

I persuade Margaret we should go to bed at 10.50 and I get her into bed by 11.15 pm.  Tonight she has taken two Panadol for pain plus one Oxazepam to help her sleep..]

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Friday 7 July 2023

The diary entry for 7 July 2023 continues.

She wakes at 1.57 am on Friday 7 July.  She is confused but not as much as on the previous night.  She insists that she needs to wriggle her body around on the mattress and that if she does, this will help with the shocking pain she is in.  I try to help her move her legs and eventually persuade her that she can go back to sleep.

Marg wakes again at 2.50 am and I ask her for a cuddle before I very carefully help her into the bathroom for a pee.  I feel her bones across her body.  There is no spare flesh left on Margaret.  She is unable to sleep after the pee and I help her use the walker to get into the living room.  We talk about her impending death and what I will need to do to restart my life once she is dead.  She is completely lucid and not at all confused.  Margaret talks about saying good to the staff at Lift after the Palliative Care team make contact on Monday.  I am very doubtful she will still be alive on Monday 10 July, but she may be because the in-home hairdresser Zofia is due at 10.00 am and perhaps Marg will hold on to her life until her final hair tinting is complete.  I promise to personally visit Beckman Deli this morning and thank the staff there on her behalf.

At 4.25 am I bring the scales into the living room from the bathroom.  Wearing her dressing gown and with slippers on, Margaret weighs 40.8 kilograms.; her dressing gown weighs about the same as mine.  I weigh myself with and without my dressing gown on.  My dressing gown weighs 1.1 kilograms.  Margaret’s weight without the dressing gown and slippers – and the slippers have very little weight – was about 39.7 kilograms at 4.25 am today.  I wonder if Margaret will die today.  I hope so.  She has suffered far too much.  The hissing of the universe is back.  Margaret is asleep with her head slumped on the table.  I took a photo.  It is now 6.58 am.

Margaret is still slumped on the table asleep at 7.26 am.  I hope this is the end; please let it be the end.  No more suffering, please.  I wait and watch.  I have got dressed, not bothered with a shower.

Margaret woke at 7.50 am and insisted I go to the bakery and then to the barber for a haircut.  I am permitted to return home after the barber to help her to the bathroom.  After that I am to go to the supermarket.  I go to the bakery and the barber and return home to help Margaret to the bathroom.  She is still in great pain but insists that I go to the supermarket.  I am on the way home from the supermarket at 12.30 when Jameson rings.  He says he is unable to come to our place at 1.15 as arranged because he has a work shift.  I had no idea he was supposed to be at our place.  Two minutes later, Maurine rings and asks how far away from home I am.  I say I will be home in five minutes and she says she will meet me there.  Maurine arrives at the same time as I do.  Jim arrives five minutes later.  Margaret is in the living room and in extreme pain.  She has decided that she needs to go to hospital.  She puts in a call for Dr Bishnoi while Jim rings for an ambulance.  The ambulance arrive about 20 minutes later.  Marg tells them she would prefer to be taken to Ashford.  For 1 ½ hours the ambulance crew try to find an A & E in a private hospital that will let her come in.  No A & E in any private hospital in Adelaide will accept any additional patients.

Yoga teacher Robyn rang at 2.13 pm while the ambulance crew were attending to Margaret.  I didn’t answer the call.  I couldn’t.  I rang Robyn back at 2.26 and told her that the ambulance was present and that Margaret would be taken to hospital but that I did not then know what hospital.  The call lasted 5 minutes 18 seconds.

At 2.59 pm I received a text from Heather.  The text left no doubt that Heather had indeed blocked my phone number on her phone.  Having received a call from Robyn, she had unblocked me so she could send me the text.  This is Heather’s text.

Hi Robyn just rang me and explained about calling an ambulance.  Please pass our love to Marg and would you mind keeping me in the loop?

Then the ambulance crew check the situation in the public hospital A & Es.  At this point, Queen Elizabeth Hospital has the least wait for getting into A & E, so Margaret agrees she should be taken to QEH.  Margaret is still in extreme pain when she is carefully manoeuvred into the ambulance.  Before moving, the ambulance crew again check which A & E is currently moving patients more quickly.  The RAH is now the best option, so we go to the RAH.  By this stage it is about 6.00 pm; it is dark and it is raining.  There are eight other ambulances in front of us, waiting to be able to take their patients into A & E.  The ambulance crew senior member goes into A & E to talk to the triage nurse.  When he returns ten minutes later, he has extraordinary news.  The triage nurse has agreed that Margaret should be admitted immediately into A & E.


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A brief explanation about the text from Heather.

Heather had cancelled me and Margaret and had refused to come anywhere near our house after January 2021.  I had tried to keep her informed about Margaret but never received a reply.  I presume she blocked my number to make sure she could not be bothered by getting any calls or texts from me.