Blog
361 —
Mourning
Dave, Why I Miss You My Friend
Written
5 October 2026
I originally wrote this Blog as a Eulogy for my friend Dave Johnson. I read the Eulogy at Dave’s funeral on Friday
25 September this year.
****
In the Agenda for today’s service, I am listed as having been a “Dear
friend and support person” for Dave. The
Agenda gets the wording correct, but the emphasis is wrong.
It should read “Dave was my dear friend and he was my support
person”. One of the reasons I am able to
speak these few words about Dave today is because Dave gave me the strength to
keep going.
Let me explain.
Dave loved having fun. He did not have cancer when this photo was
taken.
****
Amongst so many other outdoor
sports, Dave was an accomplished aqualung diver. He had a wonderful sense of humour.
****
Dave was shorter than me in height, but he was literally afraid of no one – no matter how scary or imposing. This was a wonderful quality to have if you were a police officer patrolling the rougher streets of London with only your wits and not a single gun to protect yourself.
****
My wife Margaret Redden died because of cancer at 3.16 am on Tuesday 22
August 2023. I watched her die and I had
the responsibility of telling the doctors it was time to turn off the machinery
so she could die. I could barely get air
into my body when the machines flat lined and announced, in total silence, that
the most important person in my life had left me and could never come back.
By the time Margaret died, absolutely every person I had thought of as a
close friend had long abandoned both Margaret and me. To use the jargon, we had been “cancer
ghosted”.
Margaret and I both knew Dave, but he was not a particularly close
friend before Margaret died. We had zero
time to get close to anyone in those terrible years, while we both struggled to
do the impossible and defeat Margaret’s cancer.
We had discussed whether there was anything we could do to help Dave,
but at that time, there was nothing.
****
This photo shows how relatively short Dave was
in height. Once you were his friend,
there was literally nothing Dave would not do to help you. He was all heart and bravery.
****
Dave got back from seeing Gill in Canada in the evening of Sunday 5
March 2023.
Margaret had been in hospital near death from Thursday 2nd to
Saturday 4th of March. I had
been able to bring her home in the afternoon of Sunday 5th March, just
a few hours before Dave was due to arrive back from Canada. She was still very ill.
On the Monday, her heart began beating erratically – fibrillation - and
I took her to hospital. She was
eventually admitted overnight and I got home at about 11.30 pm.
Early on the Tuesday morning, Margaret rang to say she was allowed to come
home.
Soon after, I tripped and fell badly in our backyard after she
rang. I remember lying on the ground
wondering how to get up, but knowing I had to.
How else would Margaret ever get out of hospital?
On the way to pick her up, Dave rang me.
He had stayed overnight in a local hotel - passable, but only just. His room at his previous address had
disappeared when the house was sold and he was going to ring a friend to try
and find somewhere to live.
We knew Dave had cancer yet again.
Margaret and I had talked about whether there was anything we could do
to help him, but we had nothing left to give.
I got Margaret home that day and that was all I could manage.
****
****
Dave with some of the best friends anyone could
ever hope to have.
****
When Margaret died, I was completely alone. The long, long battle I had fought to help my
wife live, had been lost.
I reached out to Dave and offered him the spare bedroom and the spare
bathroom in my home. On Monday 16
October, I picked Dave up from his boarding house at Prospect. Margaret had been dead 8 weeks.
****
Ten days later, on Thursday 26th October, Dave told me
Margaret had come to him in a dream during the night. In his dream, the Bee Gees were singing To
Love Somebody.
Margaret loved the Bee Gees.
****
|
Because he had
served as a sworn officer with the London Metropolitan Police, Dave had
earned a Police Pension. This became
very important as his life was slowly stolen from him by cancer. On 4 March 2026,
while Dave was in hospital, I helped him complete a Certificate of Existence
for the Police Pension authorities.
His pension was payable only if he could prove he had not yet died. |
****
I was a complete mess when Dave blessed me with his presence on that
Monday in October. He knew for certain he
was dying, but he still found time to help me.
He put up with my despair and he never once voiced despair at the
complete cruelty of what was happening to him.
Not once did Dave complain at the unfairness of never again being able
to return to Canada and see Gill.
Not once did he ever complain at the ever-increasing limits the cancer
put on his body.
By simply living and being himself, Dave slowly breathed life back into
my shattered existence.
****
Although he did not often
dress up in fancy clothes, Dave looked superb when he felt the occasion deserved
proper clothes.
****
Thank you, Dave, for being my dear friend and support person. You never broke any promises that you made.
Thank you, Dave for keeping the promises you never told me you had made
to me – the promises of friendship and support.
You gave me genuine love and friendship when I had almost none.
If there is a place called Heaven, you earned your spot there - many,
many times over.
****
|
Dave’s Radiology
Report dated 6 February 2025 Conclusion Interval
progression, with mild increase in size of soft tissue mass intimately
related to the left hemi thyroid and extending cranially to encase the left
internal carotid artery as well as caudally to the level of the aortic arch Occluded left
internal jugular vein with intraluminal thrombus noted. Multiple pulmonary
nodules have increased in size and favoured to reflect metastatic disease. |
I am not completely sure of the exact way in which the cancer ended Dave’s
life.
The Report I quote above shows the cancer was in the left side of his
neck, right next to the carotid artery.
That meant surgery was impossible.
Although cancer had completely blocked his throat passageway, Dave had a
feeding tube which enabled the staff to make sure he received water. The tube went through is nose, through his
stomach and into his small intestine
When he eventually died on Friday 11 September 2026, Dave had refused to
let the staff feed him through the tube because it gave him violent diarrhea
and terrible pain. When he died, it had
been 24 days since he had last been able to accept food.
Despite the strangulation brought about by the cancer and despite the
lack of any nourishment for 24 complete days, Dave might NOT have been
strangled to death by the cancer and he might not have died because of hunger.
A scan just four weeks before he died, revealed that the cancer had
spread to Dave’s liver. It is possible
that the most immediate cause of my friend’s death was liver failure.
One thing I am certain of. Dave
received so much love and care from the staff at Westminster Village, Grange. If love from those around him ever had any
say in whether Dave lived or died, he certainly would have never died … but the
Universe had different plans.
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