118 – How Do You Mend a Broken Heart? Part 3: 13 December 2024

At 5:10 pm on Monday 6 July 2020, just before the cancer diagnosis on 10 July, a friend and distant relative in England named Sylvia sent me a copy of a Postcard she had found in the possessions of her mother Violet Hankin when Violet died in 1983.  The undated Postcard was postmarked 15 August 1914.  Sylvia thought the name on the Postcard signature was “Dobson”.  Violet Hankin had inherited the Postcard from Sylvia’s grandmother Eliza Hankin, who had had died in 1949.

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This is the front of the Postcard.

The front of the Postcard contained a photo of Saint Mary’s Church in Bootle.  Bootle is a suburb of Liverpool, England.

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This is the other side of the Postcard.

The writing on the front of the Postcard was nearly unreadable.

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 I did not look at the Postcard until after Margaret had been diagnosed with ampullar cancer.  I only looked at it then to try and distract myself from her terrible diagnosis.

At first, I only wanted to read the handwriting on the Postcard – what did the writing on the reverse of the Postcard actually say?  I discovered if I focused on the Postcard, I often got temporary relief from my own physical symptoms, so when the pain was agonising I concentrated on the Postcard.  

When I had translated the handwriting, I began wondering about the two people involved in it.  Who was Eliza Hankin?  Who was the Postcard sender whose surname was perhaps Dobson? 

I nicknamed the Postcard sender the Moon Man and wondered who the Moon Man had been.  I thought he must have mattered a lot to Eliza because she kept the Postcard for the rest of her life.

Unravelling the mystery of the Moon Man and Eliza Hankin helped me to cope with the truly terrible things that were happening to Margaret and me.  I started work on my analysis of the Postcard in July 2020 and I worked on it in between restoring Anne Ryan’s furniture and doing everything else that had to be done.

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When I translated the handwritten Postcard message, I realised it said this:

Sat[urday] evening Saturday August 15 Dear Liz I arrived in Liverpool today quite safely at 4.15. I found every body quite well.  I am out going into town. Kindest Regards X [Dob?]son

 

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The address on the Postcard was just as difficult to translate as the message on the Postcard.  This was the address.

Miss L Hankin Newlands Clydesdale Rd Hoylake

 

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I thought the Moon Man must have known Eliza well because it was addressed to “Miss L” Hankin” rather than Miss E Hankin.  The Moon Man obviously knew her as Liz and not as Eliza – he called her Liz in the Postcard message.

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The Postcard was made by Woolstone Brothers of London W 15 as part of the “Milton “Fac-Simile” Series No 32”.

Woolstone Brothers was a large publisher which operated from 1902 to 1932.  The website metropostcard says this about Woolstone Brothers.

A large publisher of many different card types in many different techniques. Some of their trade names included Artlettes, Bromettes that were used for postcard bookmarks, Bromides, Chromolettes, Glazettes, Glossettes of actresses, Photolettes, and Sellwells. Many of their subjects included artist signed cards, comic cards by Fred Buchanan, a naval series including one on the life of Admiral Nelson, real photo and printed view-cards, cut out novelties, and a vast amount of holiday and greeting cards. Many of these cards either carry the words The Milton Post Card or Milton Series.

 

Postcards were relatively inexpensive in 1914, but it is doubtful that working class people ever had the money to buy them on a regular basis.  There was no doubt that Eliza was poor because she worked as a maid at Newlands in Hoylake.  If Eliza was poor, this probably meant her friends were also poor, so post cards were bought only on special occasions.  If the Moon Man bought a Postcard for Eliza, there must have been a special occasion.  Receiving the Postcard was obviously a very important happening for Eliza because she kept it until she died 35 years later.

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The Moon Man says “I arrived in Liverpool today quite safely at 4.15.”  This makes sense only if he had recently visited Eliza in Hoylake and had told her that he intended to see Eliza’s family in Bootle.  In saying, “I found every body quite well”, the Moon Man was obviously giving new information to Eliza about her own family.  That meant he did not live near Eliza’s family.  If he had, he would have told her about the family during his visit to Hoylake.

This means the Moon Man made a special visit to Bootle to see Eliza’s family and this meant he knew Eliza’s family as well as Eliza. 

The Moon Man went to Hoylake to tell Eliza something special – and then he went to Bootle to tell Eliza’s family the same special thing.  The Moon Man knew Eliza’s family would also want to know whatever he had just told Eliza. 

Clearly, the Moon Man was a welcome visitor in Eliza’s family home; the family knew him well and they liked him.

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To try and mend my broken hearted, I became a family historian and writer as well as a woodworker.  It helped me pass the time but unfortunately it completely failed to mend my broken heart.

I didn’t really want to find out about the Moon Man.  I wanted Margaret to not have cancer and I wanted her to live.  I was researching someone I called the Moon Man, but in reality I was the Moon Man.  I was baying at the Moon hoping for the impossible.

 

118 – How Do You Mend a Broken Heart? Part 2: 12 December 2024

I lent my car free of charge to Anne Ryan when she arrived in Adelaide in December 2019 and she still had my car in March 2020 when Covid prevented all normal international travel to or from Australia.  Because she could not return to Ireland, I permitted Anne to keep the car until she could return to Ireland.  Anne still had my car in January 2021.

Early in 2020, Anne bought a second hand wooden table made of jarrah for her small garden.  Jarrah is an Australian native hardwood tree.  The table needed minor repairs and the removal of years of stains and dirt.  I promised to do fix the table, but did not have the time to do this before June 2020.

This photo shows the jarrah table.  The tape measure across the table shows that it was 46 inches (1,168.4 millimetres) in diameter.  The table was difficult to repair because jarrah is an immensely dense timber.

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To prepare for the promised work, I purchased an electric sander and an electric drill at my own cost.  Anne never did ask about the cost and she never did offer to refund those costs.  As the chest restoration project progressed, I also purchased all of the sandpaper discs at my own cost.  Once again, Anne never asked about these costs and never did offer to refund them. For reasons which I will explain shortly, I had to purchase dozens of sandpaper discs and these costs kept escalating.

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I started work on the jarrah table on Saturday 6 June 2020.  I continued working on the table on Thursday 11 and Friday 26 June and finally finished it on Saturday 10 July - the day after we found out that Margaret was certain to die.

This table summarises the work I did to repair Anne Ryan’s jarrah table.

Date	Hours of Work Performed
Saturday 6 June	2 ½ hours sanding wooden table
Thursday 11 June	2 hours restoring wooden table
Friday 26 June	2 ½ hours sanding wooden table
Saturday 11 July	4 hours sanding wooden table

 

The jarrah table looked beautiful once I had finished restoring it.  Anne still has it at her unit in Glenelg.

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Anne also bought a small second hand wooden chest.  It had been made decades earlier as a home carpentry project.  The inside of the chest was lined with tin.  The inside and outside of the chest had been painted with varnish which now needed to be removed. 

I promised to renovate the chest as well as the jarrah table. 

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Unluckily for me, restoring the wooden chest was an extremely difficult job and it was much harder than I had thought it would be.  The varnish on the chest was “easy wax” - a mixture of shoe polish and kerosene which had been heated to liquidise it and then been painted on the chest.  Easy wax is extremely difficult to remove.  When sandpaper discs in a sanding tool come into contact with easy wax, the heat of the sanding disc melts the easy wax.  The easy wax then coats the sanding disc and the disc must be replaced.  Stripping the easy wax required dozens of sandpaper discs and many hours of gruelling work.

The photo above shows the chest shortly after I started work on it.

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Most of the work I did on the chest took place after Margaret’s diagnosis.  Not only was the work physically gruelling but the circumstances in which I did the work were grim.  My deadly coughing increased dramatically after I started work on the chest.  Wood dust settled in my lungs constantly despite the masks I wore to try and keep it out.  During the final weeks of work on the chest, I thought the coughing and the frequent breath attacks had a good chance of killing me.  Nevertheless, I grimly continued with the work.  I had to finish the work because I had started it.  Unless I finished, the chest would be fit only for the rubbish dump.

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This table summarises the work I did to repair Anne Ryan’s wooden chest in July 2020.

Date	Hours of Work Performed
Thursday 16 July	1 ½ hours sanding wooden chest
Friday 17 July	1 ½ hours sanding wooden chest
Wednesday 22 July	2 ¼ hours sanding wooden chest
Thursday 23 July	2 ½ hours sanding wooden chest
Friday 24 July	2 ¼ hours sanding wooden chest
Saturday 25 July	2 ¾ hours sanding wooden chest
Wednesday 29 July	2 ¾ hours sanding wooden chest
Friday 31 July	2 ¼ hours sanding wooden chest

 

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This table summarises the work I did to repair Anne Ryan’s wooden chest in August 2020.

Date	Hours of Work Performed
Saturday 1 August	2 ½ hours sanding wooden chest
Tuesday 4 August	2 ½ hours sanding wooden chest
Wednesday 5 August	3 ½ hours sanding wooden chest
Saturday 15 August	3 hours sanding wooden chest
Tuesday 18 August	2 ¾ hours sanding wooden chest
Wednesday 19 August	2 ½ hours sanding wooden chest
Tuesday 25 August	3 ½ hours sanding wooden chest
Thursday 27 August	3 ½ hours sanding wooden chest

 

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This table summarises the work I did to repair Anne Ryan’s wooden chest in September and October 2020.

Date	Hours of Work Performed
Wednesday 9 September	4 hours carpentry work on wooden chest
Wednesday 23 September	2 hours carpentry work on wooden chest
Thursday 24 September	1 hour carpentry work on wooden chest
Saturday 26 September	1 ½ hours carpentry work on wooden chest
Friday 2 October	1 hour carpentry work on wooden chest

 

  

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This is a photo of the chest taken shortly after I had finished restoring it. 

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This is another photo of the chest after I had finished restoring it.

 

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No matter how much work I did, I could not eliminate some awful facts.  Margaret was still dying and I was still broken hearted.  Doing all the woodwork did little to help mend my broken heart.  it simply helped fill in some empty hours.

Helping Anne Ryan certainly contributed to my own severe bad health and doing this restoration work simply gave Margaret more reasons to worry about my health as well as her own.

Doing the work for Anne Ryan was futile on so many levels - including the complete indifference of Anne Ryan to the help I was giving her.

 

117 – How Do You Mend a Broken Heart? Part 1: 11 December 2024

I took this photo on Tuesday 7 April 2020.  It shows the very rugged nature of Morialta Park.  When I had my breath attack on 30 August 2020, which I describe in this Blog, I was high up on the track shown in this photo.  There is no phone coverage in this area and even if there were phone coverage, the ambulance staff would not have been able to reach me quickly except by helicopter.

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Two days after Margaret’s diagnosis of terminal cancer, I developed disturbing health symptoms of my own.  Shortness of breath, a strongly bloated stomach and severe abdominal pain were my first symptoms.  Within a short time, I began to regularly experience this array of symptoms.

•  Periods when I had extreme difficulty in breathing.  I called these episodes Breath attacks.
• Extreme stomach bloating, accompanied by extreme pain.  When these symptoms were present, it was impossible for me to eat.
• My persistent, terrible cough returned.
• Persistent diarrhoea, accompanied by great pain.
• Painful vomiting at irregular intervals.  Because of the stomach issues, when I vomited, there was usually very little in my stomach to vomit up.  This made the vomiting particularly distressing.
• My optical migraines started coming at least once every week and usually lasted about 30 minutes.  In the past, my optical migraines numbered about one every six months for about 20 minutes.

Some or all of my symptoms occurred every week.  In some weeks, I experienced some or all of my symptoms every day.  Despite what my body was doing, I was determined to maintain as normal a life as possible.

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My first consultation with lung specialist Dr Aiyappan was on Thursday 30 July 2020.  At that time, the coughing was still in remission and the coughing had been the specific issue for which I had been referred to Dr Aiyappan.  Because the coughing had – at that point – vanished, he did not need to do anything to identify what had caused the coughing.

Dr Aiyappan recommended that I return in four weeks so he could again examine my ability to breathe.  My next appointment to see Dr Aiyappan was set for 8.45 am on Thursday 3 August,

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I was lucky when 3 August 2020 arrived.  

Before Margaret and I left home to go to the appointment, I had a breath attack.  This meant Margaret had to drive me to the appointment.  

When I arrived in front of Dr Aiyappan, I was gasping for air on the other side of his desk and he gave me emergency medication in his room to restore my ability to breathe.   He then prescribed medication to lessen the inflammation in my lungs in addition to the Ventolin Inhaler which had already been prescribed by the GP.

Dt Aiyappan’s emergency medication worked and my ability to breathe was restored.  

I did not die that day.

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Sunday 30 August 2020 was the date when I realised how dangerous my symptoms really were.  on that day when I tried to do my usual 3 ½ hours walk at Morialta I could only manage three hours of walking. 

On 30 August I had a breath attack when I was in deep within Morialta and the Ventolin puffer did nothing to restore my breathing.  On this occasion, the only practical way for me get to help was by walking to the nearest car park.  In ordinary circumstances, this would have been an easy downhill walk taking about 30 minutes.  Unfortunately, I discovered it was not at all easy when I could not get air into my lungs.  On that Sunday, it seemed unlikely I might ever reach the carpark while alive.  To survive my lack of air in the lungs and reach the carpark, I dramatically narrowed my personal focus down to only one thing - walking one step at a time.  I forced my body to do what seemed impossible; placing one foot in front of the other and keep moving along the track.

I eventually reached the carpark and got help.  

Anne Ryan was with me on that Sunday.  When I finally reached the carpark, she said “If I am ever in a tight spot, I hope you are there to help me.”

Just five months later in February 2021, Anne Ryan ceased all contact with me.  If she ever is in a “tight spot” at any time in her life, she knows she has personally made it impossible for me to ever be able to help her.

Back on 30 August 2020 when I nearly died in Morialta, I certainly would have helped her.  I thought she was a dear friend to me and Margaret.

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In November 2019, I had seen a dietician for advice about my weight.  It had increased to 108 kilograms.  The dietician had recommended changes to my diet and regular exercise.  He also recommended I keep a diary of my daily food and exercise.  I regularly recorded my exercise as recommended by the dietician.  Because of these diary records, I can identify in a tabular form, my deteriorating health in late 2020.

These two Tables cover the months of September and October 2020.  They show the exercise I was physically unable to do because of the continued worsening of my health.  The Tables identify the exercise I wanted to do and would have done, but was unable to do because of my poor health

Exercise I was Unable to Do in September 2020

Date	Scheduled Exercise	Exercise Actually Done
Monday 31 August	55 minutes at home	Nil
Tuesday 1 September	55 minutes at home	Nil
Wednesday 2 September	55 minutes at home	Nil
Sunday 6 September	3 ½ hours at Morialta	1 ½ hours at Morialta
Tuesday 8 September	55 minutes at home	Nil
Wednesday 9 September	55 minutes at home	Nil
Thursday 10 September	55 minutes at home	Nil
Sunday 13 September	3 ½ hours at Morialta	1 ½ hours at Morialta
Thursday 17 September	1 hour at home	Nil
Sunday 20 September	3 ½ hours at Morialta	1 ½ hours at Morialta
Wednesday 23 September	1 hour at home	Nil
Sunday 27 September	3 ½ hours at Morialta	1 ½ hours at Morialta
Tuesday 29 September	1 hour at home	Nil
Wednesday 30 September	1 hour at home	Nil

 

Exercise I was Unable to Do in October 2020

Date	Scheduled Exercise	Exercise Actually Done
Sunday 4 October	3 ½ hours at Morialta	1 ½ hours at Morialta
Saturday 10 October	30 minutes yoga	No yoga
Sunday 11 October	3 ½ hours at Morialta	1 ½ hours at Morialta
Tuesday 13 October	30 minutes yoga	No yoga
Sunday 18 October	3 ½ hours at Morialta	1 ¾ hours at Morialta
Sunday 25 October	3 ½ hours at Morialta	2 ¾ hours at Morialta

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Margaret was dying and I was broken hearted.  How can you mend a broken heart?  I believe it may be impossible.  I am certain this was a major contributor to my terrible health

Apart from my broken heart, there were some other reasons why my health crisis became so threatening and nearly terminal.  Giving help to Anne Ryan, the woman we wrongly thought was our wonderful Irish friend added greatly to my health decline initiated by Margaret’s terminal diagnosis – but I discovered that only after Margaret had died and two years after the truly wonderful Dr Aiyappan saved my life.

 

116 – Slowing the Slide Towards Death Part 6: 10 December 2024

The group of close friends attended a restaurant on 15 January 2020.  This is one of the last photos I have of Margaret before the cancer began to utterly destroy her body.  In this photo, Margaret has just given a birthday present to Anne Ryan, her wonderful Irish friend who so completely deserted Margaret no more than six months after Margaret was diagnosed with her fatal cancer.

The birthday present had been put together by Anne Ryan’s niece Paula Ryan.  This photo shows the first page of the present Paula made for us to give to Anne.  

3 1/2 years later, I sent a text to Paula telling her about the miraculous cat scan results on 17 July 2023 showing that the cancer had vanished.  Paula immediately ceased all communication with me.  I presume she felt she no longer needed to communicate with me because Margaret’s cancer had disappeared.  

I have no idea what crimes Anne Ryan told her niece Paula that I had supposedly committed.

Both Margaret and I had thought Paula was lovely.  We had also thought Anne was lovely.  obviously, we were badly mistaken.

 

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After my visit to A & E on 9 June 2020 and my commencement of treatment with Rikodeine, my health steadily got better and the coughing completely ceased completely.  I started to think that the coughing fits had been banished for good.

I took the Rikodeine for 3 weeks and then stopped taking it because I no longer needed it.  By the end of June 2020, I was free of the debilitating coughing attacks.  Life started to look good again.

The relief from suffering was very short lived.

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Margaret’s follow up operation to the 25 February procedure to remove the polyps from her digestive system had been cancelled because of the Covid epidemic.  The follow up operation finally happened on Monday 29 June 2020.  We believed that this follow up operation was routine and it would confirm that the polyps were now permanently gone and no further action would be needed.  Dr Ho did the operation and he took tissue samples.  An appointment was arranged with Dr Neo so she could give us a formal report on the findings of the operation.

Margaret and I attended the report back appointment on Thursday 10 July.  What Dr Neo had to tell us was very different from a routine report telling us all was well and we should have a good life.

The tissue samples taken by Dr Ho had been sent for testing and the news could not have been worse.  

Margaret had ampullar cancer and she would probably be dead by Christmas 2020.  

The “Gold Standard” treatment for ampullar cancer was a Whipple’s Procedure.  If Margaret had the Whipple’s Procedure, and if she survived the surgery, she would “on average” live for 3 years until 10 July 2023.

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Mayo Clinic says this about ampullar cancer.

Ampullary cancer is cancer that starts as a growth of cells in the ampulla of Vater. The ampulla of Vater is located where the bile duct and pancreatic duct join and empty into the small intestine. Ampullary (AM-poo-la-ree) cancer is rare. Ampullary cancer forms near many other parts of the digestive system. This includes the liver, pancreas and small intestine. When ampullary cancer grows, it may affect these other organs. Ampullary cancer treatment often involves surgery to remove the cancer. Treatment also may include radiation therapy and chemotherapy to kill cancer cells.

Put into plain English, the ampullar is a T junction where the Pancreatic Duct meets the Common Bile Duct.  A cancer in this part of the body rapidly blocks the digestive system and death is both swift and agonising.

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Dr Neo explained that although a Whipple’s Procedure was possible and it might delay death if Margaret survived the operation, chemotherapy and radiotherapy would NOT be possible.

This is what Mayo Clinic says about the Whipple’s Procedure.

The Whipple procedure is an operation to treat tumors and other conditions in the pancreas, small intestine and bile ducts. It involves removing the head of the pancreas, the first part of the small intestine, the gallbladder and the bile duct. The Whipple procedure is also called a pancreaticoduodenectomy. It's often used to treat pancreatic cancer that hasn't spread beyond the pancreas. The Whipple procedure is a complex operation. It can have serious risks. However, this surgery often saves lives.

Put into plain English, the Whipple’s Procedure involves removal of large parts of the digestive system.  The remaining parts of the digestive system are then stitched together in the hope that they will be able to become a smaller, whole system again.  In most cases, the recipient of a Whipple’s Procedure needs to have a colostomy bag to remove any bodily waste.  Some patients die as a result of the operation and the quality of life of those patients who survive the Whipple’s Procedure is poor.

Margaret could choose to have the Whipple’s Procedure and perhaps live “on average” until 10 July 2023 or she could accept that she would probably be dead by the coming 2020 Christmas.

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Even if Margaret did decide to accept the Whipple’s Procedure, she might die quickly because of the procedure and even if she lived, her quality of life would certainly be poor.

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Margaret had been a cancer nurse at Flinders Medical Centre (a major South Australian public hospital) for more than 30 years.  After we left Dr Neo, I asked if she had ever heard of ampullar cancer.  Margaret said she had never heard of ampullar cancer.  Her cancer nursing experience was confined to cancers that were treated with chemotherapy and radiotherapy.  Because ampullar cancer was unable to be treated with chemotherapy of radiotherapy, she had never heard of it.

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On the drive home, Margaret saw a sign for a chain of funeral directors called White Lady.  She immediately turned into the parking lot behind White Lady and walked me inside.  I sat beside her, unable to speak, as she gave directions to the White Lady Funerals person about the arrangements she wanted for her own funeral.  

I loved Margaret.  She was definitely dying and yet here she was making these decisions about her funeral to ensure I did not have to make them after she had died.  I wanted to weep.

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We spent 3 nights in Port Elliot, south of Adelaide from Monday 27 to the morning of Thursday 30 July 2020.  It was bitterly cold and the Covid epidemic regulations meant we were the only tourists in the whole town.  I cannot remember ever having such a miserable “holiday”.  I did not have the energy to take any photos to remember our stay there.  I wanted to hold Margaret and never let her out of my arms.